Bright HS junior with low motivation for school-what to do?
My son is a junior at Berkeley High taking a full load of IB and AP classes. In the past, he has been able to get A's and B's doing very little work--relying on his strong memory and good testing skills. His grades are dropping this year, (mostly Cs, Ds, and Fs) not because he struggles with the content, but because he doesn't want to work at his school work. He agrees that he isn't working hard enough but he isn't motivated to do more. He is participating in the college search process, taking SAT, visiting colleges, but isn't particularly engaged.
He has always been very good at living in the moment, focused on the present. In many ways this is an asset for an overall healthy life, but it isn't working at this phase where he needs to engaged in some longer-term planning. The two passions he has are role playing games and video games. These seem to be the only activities that he LIKES to do.
In the past our approach was largely hands off--giving our kids opportunities to learn for themselves how to manage their time and schoolwork. Recently, I've switched to a much more hands-on approach (he might say micro-managing) that leaves neither of us happy. Punishments seem to work only for very short periods and create more tension. I've thought about bribes, but he isn't a kid who has a lot of unmet needs or desires. There is nothing he seems to want to earn. He's pleasant and cooperative at home, has a couple of good friends and causes very little trouble at home or at school.
We've thought about tutors, mental health professionals, college counselors etc...what I'd like to find is a neutral adult who would talk with him about his choices, his motivation and help him think/see clearly what he wants. We are open to supporting him with various options, working, gap year, college when he is ready, but we don't want to keep struggling with him about school performance. Any recommendations for a counselor or other professional that could help my bright, sweet, smart, but not very motivated kid find some motivation?
Thanks!
Parent Replies
We have a similar teenager. We decided to have him test out of high school and get a job, because he was wasting everyone's time, especially his teachers, by not doing his schoolwork. He took the CHSPE in March of his junior year, and left high school at the end of that year. He worked at two part-time jobs for what would have been his senior year, he's now on a gap-year program overseas. He learned so much from working, lessons they don't teach in school - responsibility for showing up every day, the rewards of doing a good job, and the motivation of getting a paycheck. High school isn't for everyone. Think outside the box. Good luck.
I am wondering how well he does on the SAT since some kids do well even if their grades aren't very good. Still, in order to get into a good college, he would also need an essay explaining his low grades and what has changed about his motivation. Some boys, mine included, take longer to mature. We encouraged our son to take a gap year which he did and I encouraged him to think about taking another year off if he wanted to, before starting college. [with a lot of pushing, micro-managing and tutoring he did well junior year in IB and got into a 2nd rank college and was able to defer it for a year]. I would suggest that your son take off some time and get a job. When he realizes that he can only get dead-end jobs, he might be motivated to study in which case BCC might be a good place to start. He can transfer to Cal after 2 years and get a Cal degree. I am a professor as well and find that many students are just too young and immature to be at a university; it can be a waste of money if they're not motivated. I know first-hand that it's easier said than done, but I'd encourage him to get a job and figure things out. It's likely that many of his friends will go away to college and he'll be left in Berkeley which may not be as fun. If he's not motivated, there's not much you can do but they do eventually mature and figure it out. If he doesn't after awhile, I'd just insist that he move out which means he'll have to earn enough to pay rent. He's a smart kid and will get there. It is very hard to watch this stuff and you have my full empathy. good luck!
My son started community college classes at Foothill and DeAnza Colleges in 11th grade. Those colleges are far from Berkeley, but they do have online classes. He learned a lot and has very good experiences with his professors and counselors. He is on the Dean's List and I think that helped him get into one of the UCs' Honors Program. Summer is here soon and that may be a good time to start with just one class ...
A child and adolescent psychologist, as I read your post, I was quite certain you were going to say the one interest your son shows is gaming. This is true of an much of an entire generation of boys, as video games are built by psychologists and other brain experts to do just what they are doing to your son. This is a major factor as to why only 43% of college admissions are boys and why leading economists are saying the reason young men aren't working is because of their gaming. I understand it's really hard to set limits on gaming once it has its teeth into a kid, however, I would do your best with your son to limit his habit. My article published today will help explain more: https://medium.com/@richardnfreed/the-tech-industrys-psychological-war-…
Best to you,
Richard Freed, author of Wired Child: Reclaiming Childhood in a Digital Age
I would try the book, He's Not Lazy, by Adam Price. It describes my son to a T, and it sounds like it would be helpful for you, too. The book provides suggestions for how to parent kids like ours without nagging or micromanaging. It has definitely brought some balance to our household.
I have a senior in IB and we all regret that a lot. She is getting As, but is unhappy with the overwhelming amount of work she's done over the past three years. She is planning to take a gap year. So you are not alone!
His strong memory, good testing skills, and intelligence could have been masking a learning difference or other deficits until recently. It could be that they're no longer enough to get by on because of new expectations at his current grade level. Please consider having him assessed by a learning specialist or, preferably, a neuropsychologist. There have been recommendations on this site in the past as well as suggestions about how to get a reduced-cost assessment. Although it may seem that it's behavior or emotions, that he's "not motivated," it's also possible that it's become too difficult for him to continue compensating. Perhaps the workload has increased or maybe the work requires more maturity, judgement, or organization and he is now lagging further behind his peers. If a learning difference or some other condition is making school harder for him, don't expect him to recognize it because it's all he's ever known. I've known several students who were able to get by for years on their strengths until their weaknesses got in the way; for my son, the collapse happened in 4th grade, and for others not until college. It depends on the nature of the difficulty and their strengths.