BHS not working out for my autistic and depressed 9th grader
Hi out there,
We tried. BHS SPED people are almost all wonderful and well-meaning, but my kid is spiraling out of control. They rarely make it through a week without melting down at school and requiring staff and/or parental intervention. They did get into the small SLC of their choice for next year, and would rather stay at BHS because more transitions are so hard, but the reality seems to be that they need a much smaller and more structured environment.
Is there anyone who can relate? Did you ever get your kid above water at BHS after they struggled so severely? Did you find a different setting where your kid was able to succeed at least somewhat academically, feel supported by teachers/therapists, and make friends?
If so, please let me know.
Thanks.
Parent Replies
You are so wise to recognize the reality of your child's situation and consider alternatives. Your knowledge of your child is the most important factor, and I'm struck by how unique each situation is.
But maybe our experience can be a cautionary tale... Our son--very bright and creative, but with attention, learning, and major social skills issues (some element of ASD) was in one of the SLC at BHS about 10 years ago. His approach was to do the least effort necessary and keep quiet--teachers worked with him (good) but were not demanding re academic potential or "executive functioning" (late paper--no problem....). He had a high GPA, reasonable to good SAT's and went off to a small academically demanding liberal arts college with excellent teacher involvement, contact with the learning center, and an individual but inexperienced coach for weekly check-ins. We had bi-weekly family telecons. He fooled us all--couldn't do the work at a reasonable level, and didn't know how/when to get help. Net result--medical leave for severe depression first semester, with subsequent years of social anxiety and depression.
Our developmental pediatrician had urged us to move him from BHS to a more structured environment (at the time, Orinda Academy) but our son's inertia made him resistant. I wish we had insisted.
Two other notes for down the line/others in our BPN community: BE SURE your child signs a HIPAA medical privacy release when/if they go off to college so the school can share with you any critical medical information. Hopefully never needed--but I have heard horror stories of parents unaware of severe--even suicidal--depression.
Also, our son eventually completed a certificate course at the Peralta Colleges (BCC and Merritt primarily)--some real gems for courses and teachers, plus ability to stay with his outstanding therapist.
one day at a time...
A similar experience with my autistic teen who is now a junior at Tilden Prep. My teen adamantly did not want to leave BHS and honestly the transition was hard but an immediate improvement over the despair and misery they were experiencing daily. In our experience, BHS is not able to provide truly inclusive education when faced with a kid with high sensory and executive function needs for support. I wish we had known to push the SPED folks harder for an alternative placement (NPS or non-public schools). By the time they offered Bayhill, my kid was too far spiraled to be able to transition, and I think if we had gone that route earlier it might have worked out. Making private school happen was never in our budget or plans, but it saved my kid's life and we are figuring it financially. It has been a year, and now they love going to Tilden, they are engaged in learning again, and have a solid friend group. It is the happiest and most successful they have ever been in an educational setting, and a year ago I would not have believed this was possible. Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk 1 to 1.
Hi,
I have a 9th grader at Millennium High School (Piedmont), and it is a great environment for someone who could benefit from more personalized learning. They have a wonderful counselor (academic and wellness) who works closely with the students. Feel free to contact the school and they can help answer any questions / arrange for a tour, etc.
We had a similar situation with my son in 9th grade at BHS. It was just too much for him and he'd lost a lot of ground academically throughout the Covid lockdown and was falling further and further behind. He is now at Sterne School in San Francisco, and we are not having those issues of him just being totally overwhelmed, not getting the help he needs, refusing to go to school or coming home early due to anxiety. He really needed a smaller, more nurturing and structured environment where he felt seen by his teachers and had support when needed. The commute is a drag sometimes, but honestly not at all as bad as I'd imagined. And it has the bonus side benefit of him being very comfortable navigating public transit and the city by himself ;) I'm happy to talk about our experience if you'd like to ask the moderator to connect us.