Single parent: how do i handle overnight and travel care?
Looking for advice! I am a single parent without any reliable relatives to help me with childcare. I work as a documentary filmmaker so my income is quite variable, and when its good it's still quite low. My income is project dependent and sometimes I get paid after other crew are paid. I moved to Oakland a year ago and my 2 year old has been in daycare for about 8 months now. When I had nannies in NY, I had a relationship with a caregiver that could accomodate when I needed nights or travel covered. But now that I have the much more affordable daycare option, I don't have anyone to help me on nights and overnights and trips. When the work is good, I have to travel for production which means either leaving my child behind (and still going to daycare) or taking him with me (and paying for full time care on the road). Any advice on what to do? He's an anxious kid, who sometimes wakes up at night. And I don't regularly require night and overnight help but anticipate I will this year based on my projects. How do I create a relationship with someone skilled enough to handle a toddler who is easy but not good with separation and wakes up early in the morning? And how do I find someone who is available at odd times? Who either has enough flexibility to travel with me or to do overnights for a few nights in a row? Has anyone else done anything similar? Does anyone have a great nanny that they would like to loan out from time to time to reduce their costs? Its emotionally stressful to think it through, but the more I have flexibility the more money I'll be able to make. I've considered an Au Pair, but we live in a small space (a large apartment with enough space for someone in a small extra room, but not much else). Would that be more of a burden than its worth? In NYC we paid $18-$20 hour for nannies and the rates are much higher here, so the cost is a consideration. Also a separate question: what do you pay for overnights here? Someone recommended the hourly rate for on-time during my travel gigs in NYC plus $65 per day for the overnight. What is the standard out here? Would love to hear any and all advice from you experienced parents out there!
Parent Replies
Since as you say, even when you have work, the pay is low, is it possible for you to take a regular fulll time 9-5 job until your child is past this anxious stage and comfortable in school, and you have been able to make a community of folks to assist you? That would be my advice. I assume the creative work will always be there, maybe for now you can put down some roots for the benefit of your family and your mental health?
Hi there,
I was in a similar situation of needing overnight care earlier this year when my husband was traveling monthly for work and I work overnight as an ICU nurse. I found a nanny who is wonderful, and would be happy to pass along her info if you are interested. She has a TON of experience with all ages and is very professional and confident. I have 2 boys aged 2 and 4, and she would work 5:30pm-8am. She would do dinner and bedtime then breakfast and get them ready for daycare in the morning. I paid her $230/night but pay is obviously negotiable based on specific situations. I started by posting on BPN as well as SitterCity and I got a huge number of responses of nannies who are interested in occasional overnight work!
What is your preschool's policy about hiring teachers for outside care work? Our regular sitter is one of our daughter's former teachers. We love her, we know she's been through all the relevant background checks, and she's already established a relationship with our daughter (and has since with our son) to the point we'd feel comfortable with her taking on overnight care. You might ask your kiddo's preschool teachers if they are interested in a gig!
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. I think the rates I've seen families list are upwards of $150 or so a night, which is probably pretty cost prohibitive.
I might know someone who will do it for $18-20/hr and depending on the amount of time. I can ask her. She watches my son and lives in my condo community in Watergate.
I'm not sure if you can email me through here, but I'd also be willing to connect and see if I could support while you are away. I'm not totally sure what that would look like, but I'd be happy to talk about it. I'm also a single mom with a 2 yo (his dad lives next door) that wakes around 6/7am and I can't even begin to image how hard it must be to look for this information.
I’m also a full time single parent with little family support in the area. I also understand having a demanding career, with travel, that is very important to me. After 5 years of navigating all this, I feel like I’m in a better spot and have some things in place- but it took time.
Pre covid, when my kiddo was still in pre school, I was able to pull my kiddo out to stay with family about an hour north of the Bay. Is there someone not as close by you can leave the kiddo with while you travel?
2 years ago, around when my kiddo went to elementary school, I was able to afford a part time nanny who does both household manager things plus childcare. We’ve gone through a few to find the right fit and the person who started working for me a few months ago is someone I finally feel comfortable leaving my kiddo with while I travel for work. My first trip with this arrangement won’t be until Feb so I haven’t tested it yet but both the kiddo and nanny are excited about it. It helps that my current nanny doesn’t have kids of her own and so has a more flexible schedule.
Finally, I learned to be really explicit in my job postings and when interviewing about what I need and what the rates are, while being aware of market rates. Not everyone will be the right fit and it’s important to find someone you feel comfortable with.
I’d be happy to chat more, so feel free to DM me
I recommend that you hire a night nanny for the nights you need to travel. Often night nurses/night nannies/night doulas work with newborns who require much more care than a 2-year-old. One might be relieved for a laid-back job like yours from time to time. BPN has some good recommendations. I have worked with 4 women whom I would be very happy to recommend. Feel free to message me directly for their contact information.