Young teen threatening suicide in text messages

Find a therapist immediately. Ann Martin Center in Emeryville might be able to help you or help you find a good therapist.

That is concerning.  I would suggest explicitly carving out time to connect with him to express your worry and to create a space for him to share what's going on for him (aim to create a balance of inquiry and also openness and receptivity to whatever he may or may not have to say).  Ask some specific questions to assess how serious it is: is this something he's thought about before?  If so, for how long has he been having these thoughts?  Has he thought about how he might do it? Are there any other self-harming behaviors he's considered or engaged in (cutting, pills, drugs, alcohol, for example) Then ask yourself if he has access to the means to carry out a plan, if he has one.  If his response to your inquiries further raises concern rather than quells them, let him know that his safety and sense of well-being is your top priority and that you plan to get some additional help for him asap.... like a therapist.  There are some recommendations for teen therapists on this site.  You can also check out psychologytoday.com, goodtherapy.org, and networktherapy.com and search for a therapist, inputting specific criteria - location, gender, specialization.  Teens need a delicate balance of privacy and continued parent involvement, so expressing interest in his experience of his day to day life is important.  These years can be tumultuous for teens (and parents!), and they need to know you trust them to explore their sense of self, identity, and place in the world enough to honor some measure of privacy, but they still also need to know that they have you as a resource.  

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation with my 15-year-old son and it's terrifying. I am NOT a mental health professional, but what I have learned over the last few weeks is yes, take it very seriously. Ask him directly if he's contemplating suicide, and if he has a plan. Super hard conversation to have but I'm told it's better to demystify. If he doesn't have a plan then you're in a better place. Get him help-there are lots of therapists who deal with teens and depression. I would get him in to see someone right away. Your pediatrician or school counselor should have names to recommend (that's where we got referrals.). You don't say whether you were planning on taking your son with you on vacation. My gut tells me that if he went with you it should be fine. But I would be nervous about leaving him. Again, I say this from my own experience and not as a professional. 

Oh honey yes you need to take this seriously. Call the national suicide prevention hotline for help - they will give you referrals and information you need: 1-800-273-8255 I would also call his pediatrician for a referral. And I would also ask him if he has plans to hurt himself. Speaking about suicide does not increase the likelihood of hurting himself. There are many falsehoods about suicide out there, but if there's one thing that Netflix show 13 reasons why has helped with is making clear what to do with teens and self-harm. Sending you good thoughts.

Letters like these blow me away. Mom/Dad, your young son does not have the right to expect that you won't read his text messages! You can/should read them every night! And why isn't he talking to you openly about his friends and girlfriend? My son, same general age, ALWAYS shares this info. YES, you do need to take this threat seriously, even if it ends up being drama. I would get all of you in front of a therapist on an emergency visit today. Let the therapist figure out the severity. He may need to be hospitalized as a matter of precaution for a few days. I think you need to consider canceling your trip. At least you need to signal to him that you take this threat VERY seriously. 

He needs to lose the cell phone for at least 6 months while he is evaluated. I have a close friend who just went thru something similar with her daughter, and they instantly saw a therapist, started FAMILY therapy, and removed the phone indefinitely. This child needs you to parent them just like they're 3 years old. You need to protect him. And alert the girl's parents that this drama is going on.

I believe your family needs to be in therapy to learn how to talk more openly with your child and set limits and monitor their media use.

I'm sorry you're dealing with something so stressful, but I am shocked that you're writing to BPN instead of stepping in forcefully right now. He could DIE.

Please contact  a professional counselor immediately and call the suicide hotline immediately.  Jewish Family Services has a teen program. Please take this very seriously and take immediate action to help your son.  

Hopefully this has been resolved by the time your message was posted, but if I were you I would just sit him down, tell him you've read all the texts, ask him what is going on and go from there. There's no way to judge his real intent without getting to the bottom of things, which you can only do in conversation with him. Best of luck to you all.

You're going to get a boatload of responses, so I'll keep this short. We have taken a postion that our kids' phones are always open to us. This seems sensible because we want them to understand that you shouldn't post/text/say anything that you don't want your parents to read. The fact is that we don't look very often because we have lives, etc, but if we hear something from another parent or just to see what's going on or who they're spending a lot of time messaging (which may be different than the kids you think), we may. Just knowing that their social media is open to us, we hope is a check for them. We have two specific rules: 1. you cannot change a password without telling us (this is mainly the phone password); 2. your phone must be plugged in at a public place by a certain time (we have not boosted our wifi so that it doesn't work in the bedrooms, but still).  Some kids have access to their phones all night (based on the messages I see on the phones in the morning). I guard their sleep.

As to any mention of suicide, you'll get many responses here. It's unclear if your child is going with you on your trip -- if he is, great! Hard to get into trouble on vacation with your parents. If he's not with you, it's a question of what the level of supervision is while you're gone. I suspect that some of the discussion of suicide is just tenn angst but we took it very seriously because there's no second chances with that and we had seen enough teen impulsiveness  to believe that our kids were capable of something goofy that we weren't willing to risk.

Best of luck! It's a tricky time and we're all just trying to get through it (the parents and the kids, too)

I have gone through the same thing.  I would go on the trip as normal. It will be a good opportunity to become his best friend and try to get him to speak to you. And of course schedule an appointment with a good therapist to work with him when you get back. I think kids don't have enough sports and activities and these devices can lure them astray, if not careful.  All the best of luck to you. Have a great and peaceful trip.

LJ

Yes it sounds serious. In Romania they have a game it's called the blue whale in which, similarly, they talk only through text and the game doesn't end until the teenager kills himself. Please do something now. It could be nothing but it also could be serious. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/blue-whale-challenge?full=1

it is not right she sends him isis video because that's what made me think immediately of 'the blue whale game' because they do that to get into the victim teenager's mind. 

Call Bay Area Children Association in Oakland.  They are wonderful and can help you.  Go gently with your child and explain to him that all you want to do is help.  While he wants and deserves a certain amount of privacy, that does not work when alarming messages are coming through his phone.  If he has an iphone, make sure you have activated the Track My Iphone App so you can have a good idea of where he is at all times.  The vacation could be the best thing for your whole family.  Get him involved in the planning.  Good luck.

I wish you the best of luck finding the help and support your son needs. 

I want to comment on something a previous poster mentioned -- something the list moderators usually don't allow.  I hope they will let this through.  The poster mentioned a texting game called Blue Whale, which purportedly has caused many teen suicides in Romania.  A quick check of snopes.com showed that this is unproven.  In fact, the original story was about teens in Russia, not Romania, so the rumor has already mutated.  I am sure the poster had good intentions, but I don't think you need added worry about your son.