How to find a school that matches our beliefs

sounds like you should definitely pick a Catholic school. My hope is that you won't find any school at all, of course. I don't remember Jesus saying anything bad about transgender people, but maybe you read a different Bible than I do. 

Is it possible that Jesus would be accepting of gender differences? 

I am confused by what you mean as "teaching gender differences."  Do you mean teaching traditional gender *roles*, like having home economics class for girls and woodshop class for boys?  Or are you referring to sexual orientation, and teaching that women should marry men (i.e. you want a school that teaches that homosexuality is wrong)?  These are my two best guesses from your message.  If either one of them is true, then I think the only school you will find satisfactory is a private, conservative Christian school.  A Bay Area public school is not going to teach either of these things.  I say a "conservative" Christian school, because I also am a devout Christian, but don't agree with either of these statements -- the religious school that I would consider sending my child to doesn't include either of these teachings.  If a private school is out of reach financially, you could also move to a more conservative area of the state/country, where a public school might be more inclined to teach either/both of these messages.  Good luck in your search.

If what you are asking is "where can I find a school that will teach my children that homosexuality is wrong and all gays are going to hell and if a boy wants to wear a dress he is also going to hell", then I would suggest you either homeschool or look to see if you can find a church with a very narrow vision that has a small school attached. I don't know if you will find one in the Bay Area. Perhaps you should try the Central Valley. 

Our children's Catholic school teaches loving inclusion of everyone regardless of sexual orientation or affiliation.  The school even has an upper elementary girl student who chooses to wear short cropped hair and the boy uniform instead of the girl one. She is accepted the same as the other children. The expectation as far as I can tell is that if she needs to choose entirely a boy uniform or a girl uniform - she can't pick and choose the elements she like she of each. 

I am not sure by your question if you are looking for a school that teaches gender differences or not.  Also, how do you define gender differences?  If you want your kids to go to a Christian school there are plenty of Christian private schools.  Investigate each school and see if they meet your needs.  You could spend your entire life trying to count how many ways people approach Christianity. There are very liberal and very conservative observers.  

If you want to control what your son believes, and you don't want others to influence his beliefs, then you homeschool.

I just wanted to pipe in and say that my husband and I also felt nervous about how our son's religious upbringing would translate in to the lessons and values reflected in the Bay Area school systems. We sent him to our church preschool and as elementary school approached we began to worry slightly that he would feel out of step with his peers due to our family's belief system. We did look at some private schools but none had the amount of academics, extra curricular and community feel we wanted for our family. So to make a long story short, I set up a time to meet with the principal at our son's local elementary school and express our concerns. She was very receptive and actually understood where we were coming from. She told us that she valued our choices as much as any other family and as part of their school anti-bullying campaign (Cornerstone Project) they discuss families that have different beliefs based on religion, ethnicity, family structure, etc. and that everyone is valid. 

After hearing her out and speaking with other families in our church we decided to enroll him in Kinder at our local school. I was nervous but after this year I am so glad that we did it. Never once was there a topic that I felt like they were steering him differently than we would have. They have also opened his eyes to things that we may not have provided in a more sheltered school environment, like adopting a local refugee family at Christmas and being exposed to children who have family in more dangerous parts of the world. He did come home around valentine's day asking about gay marriage but we used it as a time to talk with him about how our family chooses a different path than others but we don't judge them the same way we would hope they wouldn't judge us. It was honestly the only time this year that anything even remotely difficult came up and I have come to realize that kids are just kids and most of the time its the parents (including sometimes me) that make things complicated. Never once did he ever come home with mixed up or questionable ideas about gender identity and I would imagine that it is not something people would be discussing in elementary school. 

I am so pleased with our decision to send him to our neighborhood school! I now realize that my son will have questions and interactions with people who have different beliefs than us for the rest of his life and I hope that by providing him with a diverse educational setting we can help him navigate those situations through discussion and compassion. Ultimately, I want him to be strong in his own beliefs and providing him a real-world setting to learn and grow is something I am very proud of. 

I know that it is scary for us parents but kids are super resilient and growing up in an awesome place like the Bay Area means that they will likely navigate these issues all the way through adulthood.

Good luck!

I can't speak for Oakland, but I know the Berkeley and Albany schools are very liberal and consider the teaching of inclusion in relation to race, culture, gender, and gender identity to be central to its mission. I think probably the only way to ensure your children are not taught these things at school is to have them attend a private Christian school (although even there I wouldn't assume without asking that they hold the same views you do.) The other thing to consider is that—even if you send your kids to a conservative Christian school—they are going to be part of a larger Bay Area community who, in general, is appreciative of gender identity diversity. This is one of the things I love about the Bay Area, but if you don't, I think it's probably going to be a challenge, over the long run, to keep your children from absorbing some of these ways of looking at the world.

I cannot wait to read the responses, this is a very brave question to ask this community.  We have similar beliefs at home though I also want my kids to fit in the bay area society and not to be marginalized or get in trouble in school with the teachers because of this belief.  We taught our kids that we at home believe x but other people believe y and it is ok as everyone can live their life as they see fit.  It seems to work and my kids understand that each family has their own rules and beliefs and these are ours and others' beliefs are not wrong, they are just different.  My kids are in public school and it is ok but we have a lot of discussions at home too.  I think unless you are willing to phrase it in this or similar way you will have to find a religious private school that would agree with your teachings.  I would not choose public school in Bay Area if you are looking for this type of education or even want to do these type of teachings at home (without explaining to your kid not to preach it at school as others believe differently) since your kid will not be happy and will likely get into a lot of conflicts with teachers and administration if the kid voices your home beliefs in school.   I learned that this area is very much intolerant when it comes to conservative values. Good luck. 

I'm a little confused. Do you want a school that teaches it is wrong to be gay or for children to have gay parents? That would be hard to find in the Bay Area. On the other hand most schools are good at saying there are all kinds of families. Straight, gay, one parent, two-parent, grandparent, etc. There are people with many religious beliefs in most schools, and in all likelihood your child would find friends who are also Christian.