Babysitting co-op and behavior issues
If you participate in casual babysitting co-op (email list serve of group of women who know each other where we trade babysitting), how do you handle behavior issues while babysitting or very difficult children? My kids are easy and are esp good when with strangers. I had a woman babysit for a few hours in the evening and during that time my kids watched tv for a bit (no complaints there, we allow tv use), then they went upstairs, brushed teeth themselves and got into bed themselves. She spent most of the time on the couch on her phone. We came home to them sleeping about an hour later. I have cameras so I know how the evening went. In exchange, I babysat for her and her kids were very very very difficult. She had a "no tv" rule, which was fine though I was upset that she put my kids in front of the tv for 30 min when she was not ok with me using it for her kids. And her kids would not play independently, would run around screaming and crying at the smallest provocation, constant fighting, impossible to get to sleep, etc. I might be spoiled by my kids but I babysat for friends before and I know that was objectively on the more difficult side. At first I was upset I was not warned about it, but I got over it since I know she needed a babysitter and I would not have agreed if I knew how difficult her kids were. Now, she says her kids really enjoyed me babysitting them and it worked out really well since I was actually able to feed them, and would love to trade babysitting again. There is no way I'm agreeing to it as that was an absolutely hellish experience (and there is no way her spending a few hours playing on her phone while my kids watch tv or play by themselves is a fair trade), but I don't know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings. I'm still part of the casual babysitting co-op and trade babysitting with other members (no issues with anyone else), but keep refusing her requests and I am at a point where I need to give a reason but I don't know how to phrase it. I noticed other women are refusing her requests as well and not trading with her, so I'm not the only one. We are not friends (and our kids are not friends) but know each other and run into each other in the community. How would you handle it?
Parent Replies
I would just say something like " I just don't have the energy required to watch your lively children". Something like that. She should get the hint- if she asks for more info simply say that her kids require more than you can manage. I used to swap childcare informally with a friend and her son was destructive and did dangerous things my own children would not dream of doing. No judgement but at some point I said " I am afraid chris' energy is just too much for me ". She got it. Ps chris is now 21 and a fine young man
I mean ... did this woman know you filmed her? I'm pretty sure if you say "our house is full of cameras, so we know you played on your phone after putting our kids to bed," she will run screaming away from you. Problem solved.
I feel like a simple "no thank you" would suffice in this case. I also feel like compassion for this mom would be appropriate. I'm a parent of a challenging but amazing kid, and I can tell you that a night of child care would make a huge difference in my ability to be a sane parent. The behavior of children does not always reflect the parenting skills of the parent--some kids just come out that way, and I would be thankful yours are so easy! I can't help but mention as well that the use of security cameras to monitor her behavior to me seems like a huge intrusion of privacy--did you mention it to her before the babysitting gig?
Thanks for the comments. I'm the original poster. Just wanted to comment regarding the cameras -- they are very visible and she knew that they were on and we were going to use them to check on the kids throughout the evenings. The cameras were not recording (at least not permanently) but rather allowed us a chance to peek in throughout the evening to see how the kids were doing (they are our home security cameras/child monitors system). She asked us ahead of time if we allow tv and we said yes, so she did not violate house rules but definitely took the easy way out when she was not ok with us turning on the tv for her kids. Totally understand the need for a child-free evening but as others said I don't have the energy to deal with difficult kids in the evening after a full work-day, and I'll rather swap with someone whose kids are similar in behavior to my own and who have similar house rules. I followed the advice below and kept it simple -- I told her I'm not at this point comfortable babysitting her kids as I was having a hard time following her house rules and her kids are more active in the evenings than what I'm used to.