Older parents- Consider adopting an elementary age child: Tips?
Hi, we're older parents, both working with a stable income and 2 bio kids (preteens)- We've considered and tossed around the idea of adopting a third child, and are considering a child between the ages 5-8 but aren't sure since we're in our early to mid 50's. Any experience for older parents going through the adoption process- is it possible to adopt given our age? And what's it like to adopt a 5-8 year old from your expierence?
That would be great, thanks! : )
Aug 17, 2022
Parent Replies
It's definitely possible to adopt an older kiddo in your 50s. You can either adopt a child of that age through the foster care system or internationally. For international adoption, there are age cutoffs depending on the rules of each country but generally there are no age cutoffs for adoption from foster care. You can either register as a foster parent through your county of residence directly (ie Alameda County Social Services Agency) or go through what is called a "Foster Family Agency" (FFA for short). There are a number of different agencies including: Family Builders, Alternative Family Services, Seneca, A Better Way to name just a few of the big ones. Each agency has their own process for licensure. Generally you would go through a home study process and then become licensed as a foster/adoptive parent. There are often waiting children within your desired age range who are legally free for adoption or you could opt to foster a child who may become adoptable in the future. To start the process, try reaching out for an orientation with your county social services agency and also with a foster family agency or two. You can only be licensed with one agency so check out your options as you learn more about the process.
For a child that age you would be probably be adopting a “legally free” child through the foster care system. Cases who have moved their goal from reunification to adoption have gone through Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) process (which often takes a long time), and the child has become legally free (available) to adopt.
Prepare yourself for parenting a child with a pretty significant trauma history. Foster youth frequently have Reactive Attachment Disorder, and other diagnosed conditions related to mental and behavioral health. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider it, but you should take steps to educate yourself!
Children over a certain age (I think it’s 9 or 10) are considered to be “special needs” adoptions because children don’t often get adopted from foster care after they turn 9. You may get a monthly stipend for adopting a children that age, which would make for a nice savings for your kiddo. I’m not sure if there would be an age limit to adopting a younger child, but the case workers at the CA Department of Child/Family Services will be able to help you figure it out!
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adoptive/waiting/specialci…
We are in our 60s and adopted three elementary age kids. They have had severe trauma in their life and there are days...then there is the pure joy as they discover new things, learn at school, make new friends....Worth the effort. They are teaching us so much.
If you have questions, feel free to contact us. We used an agency in Martinez and they have been wonderful.
I imagine it's possible - many things are possible - but what would be the motivation to adopt a child, even one 5-8, at the age of 50? You have other children as stated who are about to enter THE most difficult years in my opinion of child rearing. They are close to high school and it's a different ball game - a child you adopt on the older side will potentially have a great deal of trauma. Are you willing to sacrifice the attention your biological children are certainly going to need and potentially resent not having? I suppose if you didn't have other children sure but my opinion is you are about to make a problematic stage of child rearing even more difficult for your own bio children which face it should at the end of the day come first. Maybe I'm projecting but I am in my early 50's and the thought of a 5-8 year old (my own are 17 and 19) running around my home full time is exhausting. You perhaps have a bigger heart than I.