Seeking a co-parenting therapist
Hello,
My partner and I have never been married, we live together and have a 6 yr old son together. We are in terrible disagreement regarding our values and have differing opinions regarding use of screens for our son. I am seeking someone with a strong knowledge of childhood development who is not in favor of kids in kindergarten using websites and computers for purposes of reading, learning, etc... I come from a holistic background and my values reflect a more home grown approach to learning such as reading with your children, relating, and building skills without the interference of flashing lights, beeps, sounds, etc...of computerized programs. My son's kindergarten teacher sent home a letter asking the parents to download a computer app for reading and practice. This has caused difficult disagreement between my son's father and me. Any suggestions for a therapist who specializes in co-parenting and a more holistic approach to child development, such as a background in Montessori or Waldorf/Steiner would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Anon
Parent Replies
Julia Wallace in Hayes Valley is an excellent therapist with a lot of coparenting experience. I highly recommend her. That said, I would gently suggest that seeking out a therapist who is going to side with you on your parenting preferences might be counter productive to finding common ground with your partner. It sounds like you both need to learn how to work together to find compromises and understand where the other one is coming from and come up with a system to dealing with parenting disagreements in the future. A good therapist will help you do this without choosing sides. If you pick a therapist that is just going to be on "your team" to gang up on your partner, your partner is likely to get defensive and not want to participate in the process. Best of luck to you, I hate all the screen time too.
I strongly suggest that if you want a therapist to help you co-parent, you not go into it with the idea that the therapist will be strongly biased toward your point of view. Coding and computer science are part of elementary education now, as they are essential skills (as essential as reading and arithmetic) for the job market, and it might behoove you to consider that your rigid aversion of all "screen time" may be putting your child at a serious disadvantage.
I mean no offense, but it sounds like you are looking for a therapist who will take your side, agree with you, and join with you in convincing your husband. That is not a therapist's job - they should value your opinions, as well as those of your partner, equally, and facilitate good communication between the two of you to work it out. If that's not what you're looking for, then I don't think you're looking for a therapist. Maybe you're looking for a parenting expert who shares your philosophies?
Kim McCort MFT in n. Oak. Helped my partner and me.