Teens Uninterested in Extra-Curricular Activities

My son got into every college he applied to with ZERO extracurriculars.

College that are not Ivys tend to look more at the big picture than all the boxes "you have to check" to get into the famous and prestigious universities.

With good grades, your kids should be fine.

I'm sure you'll get interesting responses. I have one of each child - one who can't do ENOUGH things (literally not enough time in the day for her varied interests) and one who would do NOTHING if we let him. We make him do one sport to keep him active and social, but that's it. It sounds like your kids are happy and healthy. I wouldn't push it. Every kid is different and although I know it seems strange when everyone's kids are doing a million things, there's a lot to be said for just letting them be kids and enjoy their childhood and get lost in their own creativity. My 'non' child has a great imagination and is incredibly funny, I think from just having more 'down time' to process the world and his experience in it. In fact I think there's been some recent books written on just that concept. I understand why you are kind of stressed about it, but I'd encourage you to just let go and know it will be ok. You're obviously doing a great job!

Let them chill out : ). Group activities aren't for everyone. My 15 yo never wanted to do anything organized after school until last year at 14. He's an introvert who desperately needs his down time. It's nice that you don't have to shuttle your kids to activities and spend a fortune. It sounds like your kids like being home and being with family. Enjoy it!

I think if they are actively engaged in activities on their own and not on a screen all afternoon and evening and not complaining about being bored all the time, I wouldn't worry too much about it. When I was a kid, I didn't have access to any organized activities until I went to high school (and I came out just fine IMHO). When my kids were younger (now 10 and 14), they weren't huge fans of traditional after school activities, such as organized competitive sports, but they did have to go to an after-care program because I worked full-time. I did have them try a bunch of different things and kind of stressed that they needed to find one physical activity (yoga, going to the Y, martial arts, dance, kayaking, etc.) and one creative activity (theater, drawing, music, etc.) and that it could be done with a group, in a class or self-directed at home with occasional lessons. Ultimately, they both landed on a couple of things they like -- after getting over the initial hurdle of "being bad at something, because you're new at it" and making good friends. The friend piece is huge for my 14 yo. If you want to continue encouraging them to try activities, maybe they can each find a friend to go with them. Good luck!

I think it's fine for them to do what they like.  In our culture, parents are so focused on enrichment, that it's hard to remember that kids don't actually need organized activities.  I really believe that there is value in coming home and being with family and leading a life with a slower pace.  I have four kids and the three older ones love to do extra activities.  I am definitely one of those parents who is challenged by the scheduling.  But my youngest is a bird of a different feather.  He doesn't like to have to do organized things.  He likes sports, but having to be at practice or a game takes all the fun out of it for him.  He will tell me, I don't want to HAVE to do something "fun", then it's not fun!  So, as long as your kids have friends and are happy with the way things are, I would just enjoy it. 

One thing I might add though, only since you mentioned swim lessons, there are some skills that I would consider life skills and I force my kids to do those things.  Swimming is one of them.  My kids had to learn to swim well.   If there are other activities that you think are part of becoming an independent adult, I would force it, but otherwise, let it go.  Good luck!

To me it sounds like your kids are doing great, and I would not worry about extracurricular stuff. Your kids have their own interests, they are doing their homework and chores, and they sound like normal well-adjusted kids. Don't give a second thought to what everybody else's kids are doing. Actually there are lots of us out here whose kids don't do all that stuff either. I'm on my third teenager -- two out of three were really not interested in doing anything in the afternoon or in playing team sports or in playing an instrument.  Like you, I did my due diligence and signed them up when they were younger for all sorts of activities, and they did their due diligence and participated.  But by 11 or 12, I think kids ought to be able to opt out if they aren't interested. You can still guide them towards a summer activity (give them input of course.) Also you are getting into the age where they can be included in more adult activities that you enjoy, like movies or performances or cooking or sporting events.  My kids eventually gravitated towards the things that truly interested them later on, in high school and beyond. Yours will too!

Let it go. My kid was "serially engaged" - meaning went through lots and lots of different activities, many times overlapping. So we have tons of stuff we bought that now sit idle. For example: a bicycle, karate uniforms, tennis gear, flute, clarinet, etc. She's been glued to her iPhone for several years now and not interested in extracurriculars either. She's getting ready to head off to college, and when asked abut varsity or intramural sports at the college level, she just wrinkled her nose.  So the fact that your kids engage in quieter pursuits is good, not bad. Some people are just more introverted. Forcing them to engage in activities they didn't ask to do is mean and a waste of time and money. One thing to suggest perhaps is joining a chess club or book reading group or volunteering to walk dogs at the local shelter.

Hi! I can relate. It is such a tough balance. My 2 boys are 10 and 12. My 10 year old prefers not to take lessons, either, but is good about homework and chores. They both started piano in second grade and I told them that was the only thing they had to take ( I regret dropping it as a teen) along with band that is offered at school. The 10 year old gets crabby about going to piano but gets through it and enjoys it after all. He tried dance, baseball, jujitsu, karate, and after school classes over the years but didn't want to keep up with anything. My 12 year old loves activities and does dance, jujitsu, jazz band, Model United Nations and judo! But it is soooo extremely difficult getting him to do chores and school work!! So I think that is amazing and commendable that your son does his school work and chores on his own!! And wants to play board games with you, that is priceless. That your daughter enjoys crafts and is so self directed is so great! It doesn't sound like they mope around complaining of boredom. They seem like solid kids that walk to their own drum, which is truly a gift. Perhaps continue to offer things. One day or week long classes in the summer or just something that comes up that a friend is doing, you could continue to encourage but no pressure. Good luck!