resources after friend's suicide
One of my oldest and closest friends killed herself last year. While she definitely had encountered some challenging circumstances prior to this decision, she had never had any mental health issues earlier in her life, so it was quite unexpected. I think about her almost daily-- not necessarily in a grieving way, but trying to understand. And also trying to think of a way to honor her memory, as she was an amazing person and mother. If anyone has experience with a similar situation and found resources which were helpful, I would appreciate your sharing them. Or just words of wisdom :)
Jun 16, 2022
Parent Replies
Hi there, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and really appreciate you reaching out for support. In terms of resources, I would recommend Crisis Support Services of Alameda County (1-800-273-8255). They offer therapy groups specifically for survivors of suicide, referrals to other resources, and a 24-hour crisis/emotional support line with trained counselors (1-800-309-2131). The support line benefits callers in active crisis but can also provide confidential, brief, emotional support to anyone so that there's simply a safe space to talk about what you're going through.
I think a period of grieving (just sitting with the absence of your friend and feeling the change) could be good. Maybe write a letter to her (that you never send, or maybe burn) to get closure would help?
My best friend’s brother killed himself in 2020. Even though he’d talked about it before, it was still shocking. One thing that’s helped them is continuing to get together to celebrate his birthday at a large family dinner where they can share happy memories of him. They also participated in grief counseling at Hinds Hospice, but they aren’t located in the Bay Area. You may contact them anyway to see if they have a Bay Area recommendation? Here’s their resource page: https://www.hindshospice.org/patients-caregivers/center-grief-healing/g…
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Margo Rose has written a book you may find useful called "Body Aware Grieving." More info about the book as well as other resources at https://bodyawareliving.com/
(Note to Moderator: I recently submitted a post recommending Body Aware Grieving. This is another resource you can add to my post.)
You can also check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.AFSP.org). They have an excellent section of services for people needing support following the loss of someone they care about.
I had a close friend in high school who committed suicide. For years I wracked my brains on what I could have done- wanted to talk to people who knew him - but nobody wanted to process this pain the way I did. In fact years later someone apologized to me for ignoring me at the funeral. And then suddenly I realized something out of the blue about 8 years later. I’m not sure if telling you this would help or if people “snap” out of it on their own- but I realized my friend did this. Many people go through hell and back and never commit- but my friend did this. & Honoring your friend is a lovely gesture- and I think it is important to follow your inner voice. Be mindful of what you expect and your goals to get closure. Some people may not want to celebrate her life the way you do. Attending a suicide loss group may help as well. Best wishes- you WILL feel ok with this on some level when you are ready- but it takes time.