Explosive Child seeking help
hello. I have 7yo twins and a 5 yo. My 7yo son is explosive and angry OR he's sweet and caring. Something changed at 3 yo and tantrums were crazy. Today he is on ADHD meds but still has impulse and anger issues. He physically attacks his little sister when he is mad and we have tried literally everything. Any suggestions? He's in therapy, we are changing his meds and we have a plan we developed w him for when he explodes. He can't stop himself though and the plan is useless. He's getting bigger and stronger and I worry my girls are in danger and learning horrible things about relationships. I'm divorced and remarried and dad is in total denial about the problems. Has anyone ever worked with a PCIT? Carmelinda Mann Brewer-has anyone heard of her? I'm desperate.
Parent Replies
I had that child.... it's exhausting... I am so sorry you're experiencing it! And is so difficult on siblings. Here is what we didn't know then (our son is now 27 and a very nice, calm, happy person!): our son was tongue tied. Several things happen - usually mouth breathing, snoring, and/or grinding (day or night) - all of which lead to poor oxygenation/poor sleep. It's not "sleep disordered breathing" it's "breathing disordered sleep". Also, because the tongue is not in the palate, rough explanation - is not able to "stroke" the spot in the palate under the pituitary - the body does not receive all the correct messages it should. Lastly - food sensitivities. So few providers know any of this...Dr. Mielke in Pleasanton will do nutritional testing - or any other functional medicine physician. The tongue tie diagnosis is more difficult - but if he was not able to nurse, or he was primarily bottle fed and has a narrower palate/airway (in addition to the tongue tie - bc trust me, they're all tied these days... just depends where on the challenges spectrum they end up...), his body is not working as it should. NO GUILT! Who knew any of this....but knowing now allows you to have it fixed and life can change for the better. My son was 16 and so much growth had already happened that it's not really reparable sadly. But your little guy is still so young. You might have a consult w Virginia Downing. Good luck!
Dear concerned mom - I've been there with a single ADHD child and also unsuccessfully tried a lot of stuff when my kid even got physical with us. Please remember that your son is suffering - otherwise he would not act out like this. We had great luck with http://www.westcoastacutonics.com/laurie-herron.html. Laurie works in a very unorthodox way but after 2 sessions with her, our son's anger had disappeared. I hope you can be open to a method and thinking that might be considered esoteric. Our family is much more peaceful now. Also, the development is in your favor. Around age 8,. they reach the "age of reason" and are able to both control emotions better and to verbalize the underlying conflicts more. Hang in there!
I have that boy and he is currently 5- at 3 things "exploded" as you said- he was sweet but then would physically act out suddenly and be defiant, etc. We recently went to an integrative medicine doctor and checked a bunch of things, including Gluten sensitivity and did 23andme genetic testing to see where his possible blocks were. We also tested for CAPD (Auditory processing) and SPD (Sensory Processing)- both of which he was positive for. There was just so much going in his body that he couldn't handle all of it. So, several supplements later (including Magmind brand magnesium, and Phosphatidylserine), Auditory Integration Training, starting a GF diet, some OT therapy- I am starting to see my sweet boy emerging through. We still are in the middle of this process, but I am seeing the changes. I also read the book "parenting with love and logic"- which was recommended to me by my daughter's therapist, and implementing some of the recommendations has made a difference to eliminate the power struggles in our house. I'm still learning, though! I've also heard some good things about CBT- cognitive behavioral therapy, but we haven't gone there yet. Good luck!