Saw nanny at park be rough with child--What should I do?
I took Monday off work and went to Cedar Rose park with my daughter. In the little kids section, I saw a nanny (I am assuming this based on the age, difference in appearance, and her being part of a group of other nannies) slam down the leg of a ~18 mo old child during a diaper change. The kid had been crying a bit and after the leg slam the kid was wailing. I have two kids and I am very sure of what I saw--it was a completely extraneous action. The kid wasn't in danger of falling off any surface and there wasn't any other reason to do it. The woman didn't comfort the kid after, just left the kid parked toward the wall. The kid screamed for about another 5 minutes before calming down.
I know what it's like to get so frustrated with a crying kid, but seeing this happen to this kid who was too young to talk and have no recourse and the nanny seemingly not care at all has given me a huge pit in my stomach. My girls have both been at home daycares and if this happened to them and I knew about it I would pull them from care immediately.
So my question is, what do I do? I did snap a couple pics of the kid and nanny. Do I try to find the parents? If so how would I? I don't want to ruin this woman's life and make her lose her job, but if I were the parent I would want to know. Should I have said something to her at the time? I appreciate any advice, including that I should MYOB.
[Moderator Note] BPN doesn't accept "I saw your nanny" reports but we do accept advice about how to handle a situation like this.
Parent Replies
The family might go to the same park on weekends. If you go and see them there, I would definitely tell them. As a stay-at-home mom, I saw a LOT of nanny interactions, and what you are describing is pretty unusual. I was often extremely impressed by how great they were. And if they weren’t off-the-charts amazing, they were almost always at least adequate — a bit bored and disengaged, maybe, but not neglectful or unkind. My point is the quality standard around here is high, and parents can definitely do better. And the nanny needs to find a line of work that better suits her temperament.
I would definitely want to know if that happened to my kid. I’m so sorry. That sounds tough to stomach watching.
This sounds terrible :( Try posting in Facebook moms / parents groups with descriptors of the nanny and child. Child’s well-being trumps all, especially if you approach your posts with facts and not conjecture.
I was on the receiving end of this sort of information, from a parent (who I didn't know) informing me of my child's nanny being verbally aggressive to another child (the child in the care of our nanny's, who was also a nanny.) It's like a gut punch to get this news, because you feel for your kid, you question your judgement (how did I hire someone like this?) and now you have to find another person to take care of your child. It was horrible news and I was so glad to receive it. The person who told me recognized my child when they were with me at the playground and let me know. I fired the nanny immediately. If you can figure out who the parents are, it would be a noble deed to tell them. I'm not sure how you would go about it though.
Let it go. You don't know the whole situation. The nanny was just doing her job by changing a dirty diaper instead of letting the kid sit in it. Lots of kids hate diaper changes around that age, it's just a phase. They fail, tense up, don't move their legs for you. The fact you say the kid was already crying says to me that the kid was resisting being changed. And you don't know if the kid wailed harder because they were in pain or because they were being pinned down which doesn't actually hurt the kid. I would have assumed the nanny didn't comfort the kid because they were having a tantrum and she was letting the kid figure it out.
I think you also need to trust that her nanny friends would say something if she was really out of line. Nannies are wonderful, caring people and it's unlikely abuse would be tolerated in the nanny group.
Find the parents!!
I don't know how you might go about finding the parents, but I think you absolutely must try. That nanny should lose her job. If this is what she's comfortable doing to the baby in public, I can't imagine what she might do in private.