How young is too young for daycare?
Hi parents!
I'm a first-time mom debating on when to put my son in daycare. While I want him to be as much social as possible, I'm also concerned about his development during the first year of his life... What is your experience with your kids? Would a nanny share be best for the first years? I appreciate any recommendations/ experienes you might have to share.
Many thanks!
Dec 29, 2021
Parent Replies
We enrolled our daughter at seven months. We wanted to wait longer but between being drained and having several months of work piled up we went for it and found a home-based daycare with four babies (incl ours) and seven kids 2-5. For our daughter it was beneficial to learn skills from kids a little bit older, and she seemed to develop a confidence and sense of independence that might not have happened at home or by just playing at the park and a few times a month with friends older kids.
We started our daughter at a wonderful in-home daycare full time at 6 months. And to ease her in, she started going 2x/week for a few weeks prior. She absolutely loves it. She loves the socializing, loves being around other babies and bigger kids. It's been a great decision for us and I'm convinced this has been a better option than having a nanny would have been. The only downside is that she's gotten a LOT of colds. Keeping her home from daycare when she's sick is really disruptive on us and I have friends with nannies who have been far less disrupted. We contemplated switching to a nanny because of this, but in the end feel the socialization piece for her is worth it.
We enrolled our two kids in a full-time school-based Infant Care center when they were both 6 months old. My younger daughter was enrolled for about 3 months before Covid hit, stayed home for 6 months during the 2020 shutdowns and then went back on a part-time basis for a few more months before ramping back up to full-time. Compared to my older son who was enrolled in the center continuously, I think it took her a little longer to adjust socially (or maybe it was just being isolated at home for 6+ months!) but I didn't see any big differences in other areas of development (motor skills, etc.) She now loves her Preschool and has definitely "come out of her shell" more and is more independent and vocal. Another thing to keep in mind is whenever you decide to enroll in daycare (or PreK), your daughter will probably get sick off and on from the usual daycare germs so be prepared!
I'll preface this by saying that my kid hasn't done either of these, because my spouse and I unexpectedly switched careers and ended up jettisoning our plans for daycare and then our plans for a nanny share so she could stay home. But we looked into both options and felt that either could be really good, so these are the considerations we saw.
Lots of people send their kids to daycare quite young, and it's totally great. But they don't NEED social interaction with other kids the first year or even more, especially not on the full time cadence of daycare. IMO the advantages of a nanny share, if you can afford it, are considerable: much less disruption from illness (especially in the covid era), smaller and less overwhelming environment, much more flexibility in scheduling (typically), easier to tailor the schedule/activities/etc to your kid since it's a smaller group. With a share, it's easier than with an individual nanny to pay a living wage, and you get some social interaction built in (and nannies can take the kids they're caring for to the park or whatever for other interaction.)
But they can be somewhat less reliable -- if the nanny gets sick, or has other responsibilities (like school age kids), you have less backup than in a daycare setting where typically there's a floating. The full burden of screening etc is on you, though you can also work with an agency. Either you or the share partner needs to provide space, which can be tough if you work from home. Also more expensive of course.
Mainly I wouldn't get too deep in your head about what's optimal for development. There are major considerations in terms of your family's well-being and logistical needs -- think about those first, and then see if you can find options you're happy with in the care style you're looking for.
The other caveat to my advice is that we looked into all this before the staffing/daycare crisis of the last 6 months, and I don't know how much the general daycare crisis has changed things. Staffing is increasingly challenging for daycares, lots of covid exposure closures, etc etc.
We put our son in daycare when he was 4 months old and they were wonderful. It's so scary leaving them when they were that young but the daycare was incredible and his caregivers were like our Parent advisors (since we had no idea what we were doing :)
Our daughter started daycare at 10.5 months. Our original plan was to send her when I was done with my maternity leave at 4 months, but the covid situation and my partner and I working from home more often delayed things. We found a great home daycare with a small class size and love it. Our daughter is extremely social and thrives in that environment. Echoing what others have said, the colds are more prevalent. My daughter is sick about once a month. I imagine when she starts kindergarten she won't be sick as often as a child who was never in the daycare environment.
I think daycare or a nanny share are both great options, and it depends on what works best for the parents. My baby started daycare at 5.5 months and has been thriving there (she's almost 11 months now). I would imagine she'd also be happy in a nanny share. Here are the things that went into my thought process:
- my husband and I are both working from home and have a small house; we wanted our baby out of the house during work hours
- I didn't want to have to be responsible for nanny payroll taxes or coordinating COVID expectations, schedules, etc with another family - daycare is easier logistically for us
- I found a daycare very close to our house so it's very convenient
The downside of daycare is that my daughter has cold symptoms more often than not! The frequent colds don't seem to both her, but do impact our social life on the weekends - hard to have playdates with mom friends whose babies stay at home with them or are in a nanny share and are therefore not exposed to the same germs
I have two kids (3 yo, 9 months). The first started in small in home daycare around 7 months. She started mid-August and it wasn't until January that she really enjoyed herself there. It was a really stressful time, but I stuck with it thinking the socialization would be best for her. Eventually she came around and did enjoy it and is still best friends with one of the girls that was with her. My younger daughter started at the same place around 5 months. We thought starting sooner would help with some of the trouble we had with my older one. She hated it, she was miserable, we did half days to help her adjust, she cried the whole time and after a little over a month got kicked out. I was so apprehensive about getting a nanny: how to find someone we like, share or solo, taxes / under or over the table, the disruption of having someone else in my house. My daughter started with a nanny share in January and I LOVE it. My daughter is so happy. They go to the park everyday for hours, our nanny says there are two other kids at the park she plays with regularly in addition to the kid in our share. I'm sure this will expand as she gets older. In our old daycare, the kids stopped going to the park after covid. We had a worst case scenario, but I'm really happy with how things ended up. I loved the idea of daycare, and it really didn't work for my kid and our nanny share so far has been great. I guess, if you find a spot at a daycare you love give it a try but don't be afraid to try something else if its not working.
First off I would say there is no right answer, obviously you have to do what works for you and your family!
Mom of three here. My older sons started daycare (this was in San Francisco at the time) at ages 4 months and 3 months. The daycare itself was big (100 kids) but the infant classes had a ratio of one teacher: 3 babies and we really loved it. Throughout daycare/preschool the teachers did so many fun things with them (art projects, music, reading, field trips to the Ferry Building, etc) and they were stimulated every day. These two boys are now in 1st grade, and entering K at Head-Royce.
For my younger baby (age 9 months) she has mostly been with a nanny. She will start daycare at age 1 at Rockridge Montessori. I look forward to getting her out of the house, with other babies etc. and having more stimulation for her throughout the day. I do feel like around age 1-1.5 these toddlers become so active and it is nice for them to be in an environment with other toddlers.
The obvious advantages of a nanny are more personalized attention, possibly a more flexible schedule for you. But if a nanny is sick then it is tough on the parents. I am in a situation where I really cannot call in sick to work so daycare was better for me logistically because it is more reliable in that sense. However, you do have to be prepared for the colds/illnesses that can come with daycare. That eventually does taper off and the kids have a robust immune system!
Good luck!