Household Salary of $140k a year, new house in The Peninsula?

Congratulations on your husband's job offer. Our family (I am also a stay at home mom) makes about $140k before taxes, too, and we bought a 1920s house in San Leandro because we were priced out of the more "desirable" parts of the East Bay. I have friends on the Peninsula who have much, much higher incomes (both spouses working) and they are comfortable (homeowners, no consumer debt, do most of their shopping at Whole Foods/farmers markets, etc), but they send their kids to public school and it would be a stretch for them to do private school. So first, I suggest thinking very carefully about how wedded you are to each of your "wants" (Paleo, saving for a new-construction house, 40k/year private school). I'm sorry to say that I think trying to do all of those things on a $140k salary would be stressful. Second, I suggest looking at schools wherever you end up; it's easiest to become part of your neighborhood community when your kid goes to school in that community. And commuting to the peninsula in time for school every morning (even if it's just from Fremont) would, to me, really negatively impact my family's quality of life. These decisions are always challenging. Good luck to you!

If I were in your shoes, I would be very hesitant to make a move to the Bay Area if you want to check all of the boxes you list.  It will be impossible to buy a house on the Peninsula on a salary of $140K.  Even if you end up in the East Bay, you still need to consider the commuting times, both for your husband and for your child's school.  You mention Fremont, but that is a 50 minute commute on Bart for your husband just to get to downtown SF, not even factoring in the walk or drive on the front or back end.  Moreover, the drive to and from the Peninsula to school with your child would pretty awful, in my view. You should check out the Waze app every morning to see how long it would take to drive from Fremont to the school during rush hour.  If you are willing to do without the private school on the Peninsula, I would check out Alameda or Albany.  Those town are full of families and have good public schools (especially in Albany).  You would not find new home construction, and you may need to settle for a condo or small older house, but your husband's commute would be a lot more sane.  If you are deadset buying a newly-constructed house and sending your child to any private school, especially on the Peninsula, I would advise against moving here as you will be facing lots of commuting and financial stress.

All in all, you should evaluate the 

We are also a one-income household in the same income ballpark, and I agree with the previous poster that private school + a brand new house might be a challenge. My husband works for a tech company in Berkeley, and we opted to take our house search north (West Contra Costa County/Pinole) rather than south or east because it seemed most likely to give us something affordable -- we are in a 40-year-old house that we're slowly upgrading, have a new baby, and are very happy with our neighborhood. We also have friends and neighbors who commute from our area to the city (there's casual carpool and an express bus as well as public transit to BART). There are churches of every stripe in this area, more so I believe than in many other parts of the East Bay. We can walk to the library, the grocery store and a coffeeshop; in the other direction, there are neighbors with horses. The area is definitely changing (gentrifying) as more families are priced out of Berkeley and Oakland -- there is a brand new plaza w/a Trader Joe's and Peet's Coffee, and a Sprouts organic grocery store is being built downtown right now. Elementary schools are pretty good and I suspect the middle and high school will look very different by the time our kids are ready to go there as well. I know it's some distance from the area you originally had your eye on, but I'd encourage you to think about broadening your scope a little if you can. ~loving life in WCC

Thanks for the posts so far! I want to update that the company will allow husband to work from home two days per week, and they also provide free breakfast, lunch and dinner for the employees (and snacks). The private school in mind offers financial aid (they gave 5 million in financial aid for one academic year), so we are hoping we could get some. The commute to the school is what makes me unsure about Fremont (since husband doesn't mind 1 hour commute because he has done it before in another country for 2 years). I'm looking as far as San Bruno (the last station of the BART for the Peninsula) and Fremont (last station in the south of the East bay). Both cities are 45 minutes away from this school, but I can't find anything cheaper than $3,000 (for a 2 bath) near the school.

Maybe church attendee connections could help us find a cheaper place, but we don't know anyone.

Maybe we won't be buying a house, because we are open to other far future opportunities, and renting sounds like a better option for us, especially in the San Francisco Bay Area.

140k sounds low for this area. I would say you'd need closer to 180-220k for house savings, private school, organic food, etc. It's really hard to save here and most people I meet have financial support from wealthy parents. I'm assuming your husband wasn't offered big bonuses and stock options. If you have a lucrative career you can get back into in 5 years without having to work your way up and your husband is willing to switch to a job with more benifits I think you could consider this 5 years as a holding period.

If you would mention the city in the Peninsula where the school is, it would be very helpful.  There is a big commute difference between SF and Palo Alto vs SF and Millbrae.  Honestly if it were me, I would focus on living in the same town as you want your kid to go to school, if you don't, you'll soon find as they grow a little older that they will be isolated.  You will have built a community of friends whom you can never easily see, play dates and school events will all be a hassle.  People will think twice including you knowing you have to drive there and then wait around to drive back.  All the spontaneity of your relationships will not exist.  Part of a community feeling (in my eyes anyway) is running into people in the grocery store, at the library, having people you can call in a moments notice to watch the kids if you have an emergency.  These relationships usually come through the school your kids go to.  This is just my opinion but I would rethink how great you think this private school is, there a lots of good ones and trust me lots of good public schools to avoid the cost.  Also check with them to see if you would really get financial help BEFORE you base your whole life around it. 

Renting is great.  We rented last year after being away for many years, lots of nice families live in rentals, lots of tech families.  Keep this in mind though - most rental management companies have become predatory about money. They WILL raise your rent the next year by $200-400 on average.  Most WILL make you sign another one year lease - no month to month.  If you want to live there only another 6 months, most will charge you a LOT more.  For example, we had a 2br/2ba semi-nice semi-run down apt in Mountain View last year with a top ranked elementary school near by, nice pool, not close to anything but still had lots of google or linked in tech families.  We paid $3000 a month.  That did NOT include water and garbage (which used to be included in the rent but no longer are) which added about $125 per month so our rent was really $3125.  When the end of one year lease was coming up, they wanted us to sign a new one for $3300 per mo or $3425 if you throw in the Water/Garbage and that is at the 12 month rate. A 3 month lease at something like $8000 PER MONTH - or just one extra month would be $12,000 PER MONTH!!   So you must take that into account.  The other thing is the rents fluctuate not just seasonally but daily, however generally you will pay 15-25% more per month if you sign you lease in the summer when there is most demand.  

To avoid this you could consider renting a condo/house from a private owner, I don't think they try to squeeze so much.

But despite the above, we loved renting and at one year we had to move out anyway for other reasons.  I would have liked to stay another 2 months but instead we crashed at my mom's house.  We were only in the area for one year on sabbatical but had we planned to stay longer we definitely would have bought a condo or townhome which the mortgage would be about the same - I am not taking about a new one or a big one but you may find that you can adjust just fine, there are LOTS of people in the Bay Area who live in homes that aren't as nice as where they lived before.

I totally agree with the other poster who said that Fremont would be a crazy commute. 

I greatly appreciate all your detailed posts!

The school is called Sacred Heart in Atherton, CA. It's exactly what I want for my child : runs from K-12, is Catholic, and independent (not under the diocese ).

We could rent in Walnut Creek and possibly move somewhere else in the Bay Area near the school in 3-4 years. I'll try find a private -own place. I still wish to move near the school this early to build relationships, a strong sense of community and social skills for both child and myself. I'm a stay at home mom with no friends in the US and it is bad for me too.

Husband's company give bonuses and stocks.

I'm using trulia to search for housing because it also gives me a crime heat map of the area.

To be honest $140k might not be enough if you want to send you kid to a $40k a year private school, eat organic and rent or even buy in the peninsula/bay area. You can buy your groceries from farmer's markets, whole foods, ethnic grocery stores, safeway, there is no lack of restaurant and variety of grocery stores here. 

I'm one of the earlier posters, and based on your updated info I'd suggest looking at places on the Peninsula, like Redwood City (traditionally cheaper than its more upper-middle class neighbor, San Carlos, but easy access to Caltrain to SF and lots of good restaurants, community, etc.). You might want to check out Atherton and the school before setting your heart on it; there is no shortage of good schools in the Bay Area, and depending on your child's emerging personality you might change your mind in a few years. In other words, I'd suggest keeping your options open, rather than basing a life on a school that your child may not end up attending or, in the worst case, be admitted to. Walnut Creek, in my opinion, isn't a good place to bide your time over the next 3 years. The commute to SF from Walnut Creek isn't great (riding a crowded, unpleasant BART train everyday, especially all the way to Walnut Creek, takes a psychological toll even if your husband is used to commuting). Instead I suggest moving directly to the Peninsula; there are lots of communities there, all with a bit of their own flavor/culture, and only living there will give you a good sense of the place. The East Bay has a very different feel overall (even Walnut Creek, which has always seemed to be more Peninsula-like than most other places in the East Bay), but if you're set on it and don't mind a BART commute to SF, then you could also look further east -- Castro Valley, Dublin, and Pleasanton are safe and (relatively) more affordable than places closer to SF. 

Hi!

I agree with others that $140K is low for your wishes, particularly the school in Atherton. Atherton is a very, very, very wealthy town. Admission into such a desirable school would be a lottery for anyone (many applicants, few spots), and a financial aid pool of $5m for a K-12 school is by no means a particularly large amount. You would not likely qualify for much financial aid if any on $140k (and both parents would be required to work, so your income will be higher). Honestly, you should be looking at your current child care/housing needs, not four years away, we have so many wonderful private & public & parochial schools. 

Walnut Creek, Concord, Dublin, Pleasonton, Livermore, WCC, Fremont appear to be better matches if you want a newer house (not a cute older bungalow), more conservative folks around you (if that's what you mean by Christian), and don't mind commuting to work.

Another poster said Fremont is predominantly immigrant Indians -- true -- but that means strong family values emphasizing good schools, safe streets, conservative morals, financially ambitious -- and the schools are excellent. People will be of several different religions including Christians, but there will be more actively practicing religious people in Fremont than in many other areas around here -- so you will not be out of place if you attend church weekly, speak about God, etc. I'm sad that the other poster didn't like being the only white person in the mall, that's how people of color feel in pretty much every single other place in the US and we just have to deal with it, so why can't white folks deal with it too? And religion = loving God, so why should a religious person care if folks pray at a Catholic church, protestant church, temple, synagogue, mosque, etc.? India has freedom of religion, and millions of Christians are accepted & welcome there. 

Hi, and welcome to the Bay Area!

As some people have mentioned San Leandro, as a very happy resident and home owner (4+ years) in San Leandro, it's a great town. Very down to earth, friendly, and it's a great place to live. Our next door neighbors send their kids to St Leander's Catholic school and love it. Their two sons are great - friendly, polite, and engaging. The school is about a mile from their house. Their oldest now goes to Moreau Catholic High School (13 miles from us, he chose it over St John's in Alameda, which is about 7 miles from us) in Hayward and he loves it and his parents also really like the high school. (he wanted more sports and drama opportunities which is why he chose Moreau). If I remember right, Catholic school tuition is about $6000 per year per student and scholarships are available. We really like St Leander's church. 

We currently live on $115k, have no debt except for our house, own our cars, and yes, we can absolutely make it financially. We live without cable tv (not interested in it nor the expense), but buy organic (mostly at costco because it's so convenient and nearby), BART is nearby (1 mile) and if you're smart with your money (as it sounds like you are), then you can definitely live comfortably. But I would recommend that you avoid lengthy commutes as traffic here is formidable, and most people avoid being on the road during commute times if at all possible. Live and go to school locally, especially if you can use BART for commuting to work. 

I'm happy to tell you more about San Leandro if you want to send a message through the moderator. 

If you want to have any money leftover on the $140K year salary, Id say drop the private school idea until your child is older. I really dont think sending a young elementary aged child to a private school is worth it, but thats just my opinion for what its worth. Wouldn't you rather have money for fun weekends to explore the Bay Area? Summer vacations? And until you go back to work, it would be cheaper to rent house, especially since you're not even sure what town/what area you want to live in. And Fremont has the kind of things you seem to be looking for, but like other posters said, it will definitely be an hour commute on BART (which I think would be kind of relaxing frankly) but it is 40 miles from SF. San Leandro is a nice family community and you get good bang for your buck in terms of housing costs, but I have a feeling it has more crime than other suburbs around the SF area and might not be the kind of chi chi I think you're describing. If you're willing to rent, look in the San Mateo area.