Moving from DC for job at Stanford - low-stress areas nearby?
Hi Everyone -
My family is considering a move to the area and need advice. Some background on me: I grew up in Santa Cruz and so I'm familiar with CA, but my knowledge of the area is quite dated (and limited in scope, given that I was teenager/young adult when I moved to DC). Growing up, I always felt I belonged on the East Coast (I love the seasons, the architecture, the history and, at the time, envisioned a career in international affairs). Well, my career has taken a new direction and it's now my husband's turn to follow the job of his dreams - at Stanford. We've talked about moving before, but dreamed of a location that would be lower stress, require less time in the car, and give us more value for our money. I don't think the Bay Area really fits the bill very well in terms of these factors (I would love dissenting views on this!), so I'm feeling apprehensive about the move and need your advice/perspective.
Schools: My kids just changed schools this fall and I worry about adding more transitions to their lives. They are in private school right now. In DC, most private schools run from PK-12. Based on some preliminary internet searching, it looks like there aren't any co-ed private schools in the Bay Area that cover this grade range. Is that true? I would love to hear if there are K-12 private schools you could recommend. In DC (as in the Bay Area, I expect) getting admitted to a private school, even in the early grades, is kind of a big ordeal (testing, interviews, etc.) and I would rather not have to do this again multiple times for elementary, junior high and then high school. We've been very fortunate here in DC to find a progressive school that develops the whole person and places as much emphasis on art, music, drama, etc. as it does on traditional subjects (with almost no emphasis on testing). There are a number of different reasons for preferring the private school route, but small class sizes and an emphasis on letting kids try new things without fear of failure are key to us. Our kids are highly motivated, but we are not interested in pressure-cooker schools.
Housing: I looked at Zillow and my jaw dropped at the price of housing (I thought DC was expensive!)....We are looking for a safe, walkable area with a community feel and prefer 3-4 bedrooms plus some yard space (I love to garden). My husband plans to bike to work (he currently does that here in DC), so we would need to place ourselves where he could safely bike to Stanford (assuming that exists). We will have a car, but strongly prefer to avoid long commutes in the car. Based on what I see online, this is a pipe dream for under $2M, but I would love to hear otherwise!
Stress: How intense of an environment should we expect? One thing I've noticed is that while DC parents are intense about their own jobs, they are comparatively mellow about their kids. No one has tutors in elementary school, for instance, and kids can play on a soccer team even if they aren't particularly good. By contrast, my friends in SoCal say their kids are under intense pressure to succeed at very early ages, academically and otherwise. Where does the Bay Area sit on the spectrum?
Parent Replies
The communities within a short biking distance to Stanford are very expensive. I don't think you'd find much in terms of housing under $2M that didn't need a lot of work. However, there are some more "affordable" pockets within Redwood City which wouldn't be too far from Stanford. What I'd recommend is looking further south in San Jose. Not an ideal biking commute, but your husband could bike to/from the train station which is close to Stanford. Stanford also has a Commute Club where he could carpool with others in his neighborhood. As far as progressive K-12 private schools, I don't have a lot of information there except that I'd highly recommend the Discovery Charter Schools (both in San Jose -- one in the Moreland SD, the other in SJ Unified). They are K-8 schools with small classroom size, progressive, enrichment courses, and highly encourage kids to take risks and approach problems in different ways. Kids learn at their own pace, and is homework is minimal and doesn't start until the upper grades. One caveat though is it's a parent participation school so can be challenging if both parents work full time. Here's the link for more info: http://www.discoveryk8.org. Also, I'd encourage you to look at other public schools. While many on the Peninsula are hyper-focused on grades and have intense pressure, several school districts are starting to adopt no homework policies and some have smaller class sizes. Most of the K-12 private schools I'm familiar with are academically intense and a bit homogenizing as far as ways to approach learning, so I'd love to hear what others say about options there.
I'm sorry, but this is not going to provide any happy answers. Unless you have a very huge pile of cash somewhere, you won't be able to buy a place within biking distance of Stanford. Traffic is horrible everywhere. Rents are incredibly expensive. Your only option that would allow biking to work might be housing through the university assuming your husband is eligible for that benefit. It is hard to convey to people just how expensive it has gotten to live here and how terrible the traffic can be. And there is a lot of stress here, especially the microclimate around Stanford and Palo Alto, reflected tragically by a number of teen suicides on the train tracks over the past decade in Palo Alto. But hey, the weather is great and there are good restaurants (although they sometimes close because they can't find staff because it is so expensive here: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/19/technology/how-tech-companies-disrupt…). I wish I had better news.
Congrats on the upcoming move!
As you know, CA is generally much more laid back than the East Coast (or so I've heard, I've never lived outside of CA). If you haven't been back in a while, you should know that the Peninsula is nothing like it used to be - the orchards and cows have been replaced by houses and office parks, people in the South Bay cherish fancy cars (almost like LA), and people actually want to live in Mountain View! It is still gorgeous though but it is all a bit bizarre for those of us who grew up in the Bay and witnessed the change...
A few thoughts...
Schools: If you live in Palo Alto, certain parts of Menlo Park, or Los Altos, you should really take advantage of the public school system. The districts are very well funded and have strong academics with dedicated parents. The curriculum may be a bit more traditional than what you have now but there will be plenty of arts, music, and other extracurriculars (even the less well funded public schools I know include gardening and yoga in the lower school experience). Plus, saving money on private school can help free up some money for a house. As for K-12 private schools there are a few in the Bay Area (for example, Head-Royce in Oakland is co-ed, K-12) but I'm not as familiar with the peninsula options. Yes, the private schools will have testing and interviews and other admissions criteria that obviously don't apply to public school students - the intensity of those will vary by age more than anything.
Housing - Yes, its pricey (welcome back!) and the peninsula is particularly insane. $2M generally buys a 1500sft fixer in Palo Alto (or, in some cases, complete tear down). I would try to work with the University to see if your family is eligible for any housing subsidies, I know Stanford offers them for certain roles. If that fails, rent while you dip your toes in the water. I think it is great that you plan to prioritize a bike commute into your housing decision - it may mean you need to settle for a smaller house, or smaller yard, slightly less "desirable" neighborhood, but commute traffic throughout the entire Bay Area has reached crisis mode and Palo Alto is a wonderful place to bike. Plus biking to work saves time, money, sanity, the environment, and improves health!
Stress: I'd say people here are intense about their jobs but equally intense about their lives outside of their jobs. So if you like to bike, hike, surf, volunteer, etc., there is a crowd for you! As for children, there will always be parents who are competitive with their children. Peninsula students may have a bit more pressure to succeed academically; the Bay Area is a pretty intellectual/academic community and sitting in the shadows of Stanford and other extremely successful one-in-a-million entrepreneurs/startups compounds this. But you can control for the stress by setting your own expectations with your children and teaching them to filter out the noise (because that's all it really is).
Just take a deep breath, get your true priorities in line first to enable you to make the best decisions! Best of luck! Everything will be fine.
Hello:
Welcome to the Bay Area!
As a parent of a student just graduated from K-12 private school, I strongly recommend the Harker Shcool. It's a co-ed and rated #2 smartest HS (based on Avg. SAT) in US, My student loves all his teachers and the staff. He made amazing friends too.
Good Luck!
Shen
Hi there. I lived in DC for 10 years, in Gtown and on the Hill, and now I live in the East Bay. To respond to a few of your many concerns -
Yes, house prices are WAY more expensive in the Bay Area. Zillow is accurate. Contact a few Realtors immediately and get an accurate picture of areas and what's available and also how much you'll have to bid over to win a property. You will probably downsize - but in a few years, your house is highly, highly likely to be worth much more than when you bought it. The economy here is dramatically better than in DC - and it's pretty stable in DC.
Stanford (and nearby) is a very exciting and dynamic place to live. It's very different in culture than staid DC. I loved my time there, but it is very different here, in ways both good and bad. Traffic is worse than DC, but bike commuting is possible. I didn't find the parents I knew in DC all that mellow about their kids/school ... but it is certainly true that there are many intense parents here and lots of kids do tutoring and Kumon, etc. That said, there are TONS of youth recreational sports leagues - So no, your kid doesn't need to be an expert to play soccer. (The sports options here in the Bay Area CRUSH DC - this is a sports-lovers paradise - on this one point, there's no comparison.) The reality is that the Stanford/Silicon Valley area is very achievement oriented - but I know plenty of relaxed and lovely parents, so I don't think it's a nightmare. And there are some exceptional opportunities for kids that you won't find around DC.
Schools - yes, there are K-12 schools in the Bay Area, but I'd consider public school in Stanford. We have several friends whose kids went through the public schools and ended up in Ivy League universities. They're good schools. I don't know that you'll find them any more pressure-cooker than private - in fact I'd say they're LESS. My son is in a public school with a rep for intensity, but I (a product of K-12 Bay Area private school) don't find it intense at all. You will find yourself supplementing public schools with sports and arts however.
Speaking for our family, while there is much that we adore about the Bay Area, the stress and expense makes it not a great choice for raising a family. I'm a native, and I still feel that way. DC was just an easier life. But it's hard to beat the beauty - mountains and beaches, skiing and surf, the adventures you find in the West, the space and lack of crowds just 20 mins out of the Bay Area, and the very very exciting culture of innovation and entrepreneurial opportunity.
Hi, wish I could offer you a dissenting opinion on any of your concerns/fears; alas, they are all spot-on. Some of your questions were phrased in terms of "the Bay Area"; I'd suggest that in almost every area you mention in a negative light, Palo Alto is really "ever so much more so". Housing prices, crowding/traffic, pressure, etc. the one area you might be wrong is in terms of schooling; there are plenty of private schools that span K-12. Then again, Palo Alto is considered to have good public schools (part of the reason housing is even higher there), so not sure why you'd feel private is necessary. Whatever you decide, good luck with your choice!
Without knowing anything about your husbands situation if things are good in DC (your school sounds amazing!) and he can bike to work -- I'm not sure why you are considering this. But here is my two cents: you can prob find like minded parents although where - which school/community - I am not sure. Biking distance to Stanford I'd say 2 million for the size house you want is optimistic. It will not be lower stress than DC. Many families have parents with crazy jobs, mountains of money (think corporate jet to lacrosse tournament) and all that goes with that. It's very different from the east coast (lived on both) and I'd say if what you are looking for is a slower pace, less car time and laid back parents - not sure it is in the communities around Stanford. But the weather is amazing and the physical beauty of the Bay Area is unbeatable. Good luck!
Stress levels vary quite a bit from community to community. You might want to think about public school because the money you spend for 2 kids in private school could go quite a ways towards house payments. Your husband might want to think about a combination CalTrain/bike commute which would give you a wider variety of choices in terms of communities (i.e. San Mateo which is pretty walkable/family friendly.)
Many who don't want the craziness and all the pressure attend Peninsula School ( Menlo Park) to 8th grade and then Sacred Heart in Atherton
( Catholic but even atheists attend due to the preparation & well rounded great reputation & kids going off to Stanford & Berkeley & top schools out east)
Yes, housing is crazy but this is a GREAT place to live!!
Sacred Heart schools nearby are from PK-12.
I know you liked the private school but if you can move over to the idea of a public school, you will save so much money. I was raised in the Palo Alto schools and had my child in the Mountain View elementary school recently for a sabbatical back. I thought it was pretty good but I would probably try to get into the Los Altos system if we moved back as it seems to me as really good but doesn't have that weird hyper competitive feeling (I believe it is merges with Mountain View district for high school). For example there is a pocket in Mountain View where the kids go to Los Altos Schools up by San Antonio Rd and El Camino. Trulia is a great resource to pull up either houses for sale or apts for rent and then in the map feature select schools and hover to see the boundaries for a particular elementary school. You wish list is quite reasonable for most areas but not silicon valley as you know already and you may want to shift you thinking so as to not see it as a negative. For example, we picked an apt with a pool/gym/pingpong etc so although we only had a balcony, we didn't miss an outdoor area as the pool had cabanas and bbq and lots of kids, really it was quite nice. We also move from a large place into a 2bed/2bath and again, strangely were happier than our big house. We spent more time together and were more connected. And we didn't feel bad because the apt complex was FILLED with families packed into small spaces - high earning highly educated families who also don't have 2 million or maybe not sure what they want to do. A lot of places offer little garden areas in the common area.
So with that in mind I noticed a few places if you are willing to think of a different idea. This one is directly behind Whole Foods and has a lot of grounds https://www.trulia.com/property/3246396014-5-Los-Altos-Sq-Los-Altos-CA-… bike on the back roads to Stanford. Another one that one could walk to shops such as Target or Trader Joes or the train that goes to SF with LA schools https://www.trulia.com/property/3246396014-5-Los-Altos-Sq-Los-Altos-CA-… This one is in Palo Alto, the advantage to PA is closer to Stanford and that people are more careful about bicyclists than other communities. I almost got hit a few times trying to ride in MV https://www.trulia.com/property/3246396014-5-Los-Altos-Sq-Los-Altos-CA-… all those are 2 bedrooms.
Here is a 3 bedroom which might be a good match, remodeled, in Menlo Park right above Stanford, cheaper than the others (not as close to google/fb) and close to Sacred Heart and excellent public schools. https://www.trulia.com/property/3245748363-665-Monte-Rosa-Dr-914-Menlo-… Once I got over the idea that I would be moving back living in an apt which felt at first like a step backwards, I realized how fun it was not just for me (no maintenance) but my kid who LOVED the pool and other kids in the building with other families highly educated great jobs and not ready or can't put aside that kind of money.