Teen invited to Bar Mitzvah - what gift & what should he wear?
Our teenager is attending their first Bar Mitzvah. Our family is culturally Jewish on one side, but we have not been to a Bar Mitzvah in the Bay Area (only in New England) and our children will not be called to the Torah, so we’re a bit at a loss on a couple of things.
One: what are some appropriate (and fun) gift ideas?
Two: what are boys wearing to Bar Mitzvahs (the party, not the service) these days?
Three: any tips on encouraging a (reluctant) teen to learn some dance moves, or can you(r teen) suggest what moves are popular?
Signed,
im glad I’m not 13 anymore
Aug 15, 2021
Parent Replies
We are not Jewish but both of my kids have attended several Bat/Bar Mitzvahs in Berkeley. They always gave money. Usually $18, sometimes more depending on the friendship. My son wore nice dark jeans and a white collared shirt to the party. And I would just leave them alone re: dancing. That sounds horrifying lol.
As much as I hate giving cash, for bar/bat mitzvot we always opted for a nice card with a check or cash in one of the "lucky" chai amounts (multiples of 18) - usually $36/$54/$72 depending on how well we knew the kid, about the same as I would for a birthday party, but I'm probably on the cheap side. It's been a few years, but my boys always wore khaki-ish pants (but with the better slimmer/jeans-like fit - I don't know what you'd call them technically - the kind of thing H&M sells), a button-down shirt and sometimes a tie, which usually ended up stuffed in a pocket - about what he'd wear to something like the 8th-grade dance. It seemed to be pretty much the uniform for boys. As for dancing. that only happens in a few years when it's worth it to impress someone they're interested in. Until then most middle-school boys huddle up and try to seem inconspicuous at dances. :) But I think the simple side-to-side shuffle that guys have been doing since rock music was invented will still get him pretty far.