14 y/o Boy Needs Summer SOMETHING
We've encouraged our DS to participate in things for years, sports, camps, scouts, and he's done them all, but begrudgingly. He does regular community service with a city organization during the school year, and understands the importance of volunteering.
The problem is, he's just not a joiner at all. He's bright, funny and likeable, he has a few good friends, but is otherwise not super outgoing. He doesn't like groups, teams or any kind of activity that requires him to be in one. (He's loving distance learning!) It's just his personality, his sibling is the complete opposite with lists pages long of things to do and always coming and going from one thing to another.
I am at a loss for something for him to do this summer. Since he won't do camps, I'd like him to do volunteer work that does not involve kids (annoying to him lol) or cleaning stuff (he's a bit of a germaphobe so things like animal shelter work would not be ideal). Oh, also NOT an 'outdoorsy' type. Things he is good at/interested in: helping people, computers, gaming, animals, economics. Is there somewhere he might be able to use these skills? Someone who needs project help? He will be on schedule to be fully vaccinated the second they open appointments for 14 year-olds.
I'm hoping someone might have an idea, or a need, or even just sympathy about trying to parent this type of kid (yours too?) and hope that it will be ok. I don't want him to just sit around all summer and he knows it. I'm really trying to find something that will make a difference for him, spark his interest and be of benefit for all involved.
Parent Replies
My soon to be 14 year old daughter fits your description perfectly. I have decided to stop fighting it. She’s cut from a different cloth than me and my other child and I have realized I just need to be ok with it and also confident she’ll find her own path eventually. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more.
My 15 year old son is exactly the same. He is completely disinterested in any organized activity (always has been) and also did really well with distance learning. Since his grades are pretty good, he does have a few friends, and he's generally pretty pleasant at home, I'm trying not to worry about it. I assume that eventually he will spark an interest in something. He does want to get a job, but most places don't hire until at least 16 and that's a year off. After your son grows up he will never again get to have a lazy summer with zero responsibilities, so may as well let him have it now if that's what he really wants. I know it's hard to step back though.
Hi there. I also have a 14-year-old (girl) who, similarly, has been happy with distance learning, doesn't need a lot of socializing and is bright, funny, wonderful. I am reading the book by Susan Cain: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I think I'm realizing that some of my expectations are cultural and Cain's idea that we live in a particularly extroverted country and time are helpful for me accepting that my child is different from me and from others her age. On another note, you might consider setting an expectation that he needs to do some activity this summer outside the home -- an activity, job or volunteering, as you point out above -- but it is his choice and responsibility to go and find it. Otherwise you will chose. Just an idea. Good luck!
Hello,
Your son could try starting his own business for the summer selling t-shirts with his own designs by using Printify.com or another similar company https://ecommerce-platforms.com/articles/printful-vs-printify . He would learn how to set up a business and how to market it. Even if he does not make money at this he could learn a lot from the experience. You could also set him up to shadow someone experienced in something he is interested in such as computer repair, tutoring, etc. so that he learns about a career or job. Another option is for him to learn a computer programming language by taking a class online.
There is an organization called Ashby Village in Berkeley that uses volunteers to help seniors. They often need people who can help with technology and have lots of other opportunities. I am not sure what the volunteer program is like with COVID but you should check out their website. I volunteered there for years and it is a wonderful program.
https://www.ashbyvillage.org/content.aspx?page_id=22&club_id=748044&module_id=105426