Fertility Support Groups

Archived Q&A and Reviews

Looking for some sort of infertility support group

Feb 2008

Hello, I am looking for some sort of infertility support group. We have spent the past two years trying to conceive and have already been through many many fertility treatments. We are coming to the end of this road as we cannot afford in vitro; I am having a really hard time emotionally dealing with the idea that we may not be able to have children of our own. We are not opposed to adoption, but just do not have the emotional capacity to deal with it right now. I live in Contra Coast County but am willing to travel into Oakland or Berkely if needed. I just need some support from other people going through this experience. I already have a therapist and have amazing friends, but would like to find a place to share with others in the same situation. Thank you. k

Mothering.com has a forum that deals with infertility. I'm not sure of any local resources, however. I think Kaiser may have something. And, just to throw this out there, because I'm sure you've already jumped through all the hoops, but have you had your thyroid tested? New guidelines say that tsh (thyroid stimulating hormone) needs to be about 1 for conception to occur. Many western docs think that up to 5.5 is still normal, when it really is not at all, especially when you're ttc. I just feel compelled to mention it because I wasted a long time ttc and once I figured out the problem and started supplementing with a small amount thyroid hormone, I was pregnant within six weeks. Have you tried a Naturopath? Acupuncture? Both things helped me as well. Best of luck to you! been there

Hello..I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with infertility. I did, too. I would like to recommend that you contact RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. The organization supports those experiencing fertility issues and can guide you to the appropriate local support resources. Their website is www.resolve.org or 703.556.7172 I understand your pain and wish you well. Karen

Hello...I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with infertility. I have struggled too. I would like to encourage you to contact RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. They can refer you to appropriate local support resources. They understand what you're going through. You can read more about them at www.resolve.org or 703.556.7172. Best wishes to you... Karen

Before you give up, try acupuncture with Leslie Oldershaw (Piedmont). I am convinced I have a child because of her assistance with my infertility. Otherwise, I believe there is an organization called Resolve in the Bay Area, and there are many websites where you can ''chat'' with other women. However, I did not find the websites too helpful. Good luck. Been There

There is a great organization (formerly Resolve of Northern California), Open Path The Family-Building Resource of Northern California that has groups of support for anyone going through fertility and looking for a place to share and find support with others travelling the same path. There are therapists associated with this organization that lead groups in the East Bay, San Francisco, and Marin. The website is www.resolvenc.org and their new website will be www.YourOpenPath.org. The office number for more information is 415-788-6772. l.

I agree that finding group support for dealing with infertility is really helpful. I have been a group leader for Resolve in the past. The San Francisco chapter is now known as Open Path and their telephone number is 415-788-6772. You can contact them and find out where and when support groups will be meeting. Reducing isolation and finding common ground with others can be invaluable. Good luck in your journey. lynn

Secondary Infertility support groups?

Aug 2006

I am trying to see what type of support groups or therapists for secondary fertility are out there.

We have been trying for our second child for almost a year and have even been trying IUI. They can't find anything wrong with me but it is just not happening. I have become very depressed and it just seems like everyone around me is having their seconds or already has had their second or even third at this point. I feel like I have no one to really talk to since no one understands this feeling unless you are going through it (even my friends who had trouble and are all older than me are now pregnant with #2). We do have one wonderful child (I got pregnant after 2 months and had no troubles a few years ago) and of course we are around a lot of parents and other kids because of our friends and our child's school and playdates. I am having a tough time in social situations now and wish there was someone who understood me. My family keeps telling me how lucky I am to have one and I know that but this is something you have no control over and it gets harder and harder each month (esp. when you feel all you do is heard about everyone else getting pregnant). My husband has been wonderful about everything but its not him dealing with all the drugs and emotions. I need to find others to talk to in my situation who will understand anon

Have you contacted Resolve? They have a phone line staffed with volunteers who have personal experience with infertility. They also facilitate support groups; perhaps they have one with an emphasis on secondary infertility? There is an office in San Francisco. Best to you, Debbie

First let me tell you how sorry I am you're having trouble conceiving. It can be so incredibly painful, and it was without question the hardest thing I've ever been through. I found a community of smart, funny women who provided tremendous support and education during my three years trying to conceive (TTCing), early parenthood and several m/cs at INCIID. Though the Waiting Room is for both primary and secondary IF, everyone gets the pain you're describing. Here is the direct link to that forum http://www.inciid.org/forums/waitingroom/index.html or just go to inciid.org. I wish you good luck and hope your next baby makes it to you very soon susannah

I hear your pain because I was there for a long, long time. Looking back, I don't know why it took me (and my husband) so long to pursue the obvious solution: adoption. Okay, I remember some of the fears: What would it be like with one ''bio-kid'' and one adopted kid? Would the adopted kid be okay? Would paperwork-hating me be able to fill out all those forms? And, yes, where would the money come from? All those questions, and the occasional short-lived pregnancy, kept us in limbo for 8 long years -- years when of course we loved and enjoyed our wonderful daughter and fortunate lives, but when I, at least, was plagued with jealousy of people with more than one child. Long story short: We finally bit the bullet, started the paperwork, and ended up a year later with a gorgeous, funny, smart toddler who has brightened all of our lives immeasurably. The whole adoption experience, rather than being the ''second-best'' that I'd feared, has added a dimension to all of our lives that we cherish. Our friends and families have been more than wonderful. Life is full and happy. My advice, as you can no doubt tell, is to adopt. Happy we adopted a 2nd

I joined resolve to find just such a group. They have only one meeting on the peninsula. I've left messages for them saying I would like to start an East Bay one, but they must be under staffed b/c I've never heard back. I'm not quite ready to post on UC Parents to suggest those interested in a nonfacilitated one contact me...It's still hard to be out about infertility! Through Kaiser, I was able to set up counseling sessions w/ my spouse and an LCSW, which is helpful, and we're thinking of seguing to a pre-adopt group, which resolve does have in the eastbay starting 2-3 times/year. At the last session we did discuss that it is a very lonely experience. anonymous

I too am having the same sort of problem, though age is probably a big factor for me even though all the usual fertility tests have come back normal. We are finally trying some fertility drugs after a year of trying on our own but are not sure where this ends and when to stop and say that's enough. I too get depressed about it as many of the people I know are also having or had 2nd babies already and I really want to have a second too. I don't know of any support groups for secondary infertility and often this group is neglected as people think you should be happy that you at least have one. However, I have found that there are a lot of on-line chats and bulletin boards on trying to conceive where you can get some support from others going through the same thing - including some for secondary infertility. Try a google search. Luckily I have a friend who is going through the same thing and we about talk about it from time to time which has been very helpful. Don't hesitate to ask the moderator for my email address if you want to make contact to talk about these things - I know I find it helpful. Also having trouble getting pregnant with #2

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. We also suffered from secondary infertility; it took nearly four years to conceive our second child. I know how painful it is and how isolated it can make you feel, I stopped seeing a lot of friends because I just couldn't cope with watching their families grow and wondering why it wasn't happening for us. People seem to find secondary infertility particularly difficult to understand, if I had a dollar for every person who advised us to 'just relax' I would be a very wealthy woman! I never managed to find any support groups but I do have a book specifically about secondary infertility which helped me and which I would be happy to pass on to you. I found it very helpful just to know that other people were going through the same thing and finding it just as hard. In the end we tried Chinese herbs and acupuncture and it worked. I wished I had tried it years earlier. Feel free to email me if you think I could help T.

If you haven't already, please check out the organization Resolve (www.resolve.org).