Non-binary kiddo entering middle school
my 10 yo has recently been quite adamant that they are not interested in being categorized by gender. after learning together, they've decided that the term non-binary suits them just fine. as they are entering middle school next fall and there are lots of open houses, we went to one of the all-girls school open house -- because in prior years we had discussed it as a possible middle school choice. in retrospect it was not my best moment, as my kiddo chaffed every time they heard the school leaders talking about daughters, and girls. schools that focus on gender tend to be, clearly, binary; however, schools that don't address either gender are also often reinforcing a patriarchal system. it made me wonder whether there may be a better private or public choice for gnc or non-binary kids like them. we live in oakland and would prefer to stay here for middle school. any advice?
Parent Replies
Hello, I have worked as a substitute in Berkeley Public Schools and BUSD seems truly committed to welcoming students of non-binary gender. Many of the classes I have taught have a student or two who asks to be identified as a different gender than they were assigned at birth. The teachers and admin in BUSD seem very supportive and welcoming. The commitment to accepting all kinds of diversity in BUSD is heartening. There is also a teacher at BHS who goes by Mx. rather than Ms. and uses they/them pronouns.
First, congrats on getting this far and supporting your child in their gender experience. I would recommend Park Day School, in Oakland. My 2 kids, including my trans one, have attended from K through middle school. Park Day has been on the cutting edge for close to 20 years for serving kids well when it comes to gender expression and gender diversity. When my son came out as trans during middle school, it was a non-event (no big deal). There have been several non-binary or trans kids in our kids' classes and the teachers tended to know how to handle it, and the kids are awesome with it. The school overall has been going through some difficult transitions over the past several years, but the middle school has a truly fantastic new upper admin team, a fantastic staff, they're doing great with covid safety, and I think they are on the road to re-establishing their usual level of excellence. Feel free to get in touch with me if you'd like to talk further.
Prospect Sierra. My daughter graduated in 2016. There were at that time all-gender bathrooms. There was a lot of emotional/social teaching and support for all students. I think PS is a school where teachers, staff, and students welcome and value non-binary people.
I went through this exactly with my child, who is now in 7th grade. Looking back it would have been very rough for them to be at an all-girls school, and I'm glad they made it clear to me they didn't feel comfortable. In my experience, both public and private middle schools in the Bay Area are working hard to create communities that welcome kids of all gender orientations. And the kids are leading the way. My child goes to Black Pine Circle, which is terrific in this regard, but he also has non-binary and trans friends at other middle schools, public and private, who feel very comfortable being themselves. The culture has shifted light years from when I was in middle school.