Advice about Learning Differences

You should have him checked by an experienced/skilled occupational therapist. The red flag is that he's trying to get out of these things instead of diving in and trying. Learning to write goes hand and hand with reading. You can't write (physically) better than you can read. Also K is still young and the standards can be high. Extra support may help and learning at home. We did the Handwriting Without Tears program at my house for my K daughter and it worked like a charm. Lots of sensory info and tricks that help the child learn. The OTs should know about it. We purchased the program and did it at home. We also used the Bob books at home to help her get the hang of reading. In a short time she started doing it more on her own. It's simple and we did it ourselves. She started reading fluently in 3rd grade and now reading is her favorite hobby.  Good luck.

We had a similar experience. What my son needed was to stop going to the after school program and start coming home instead. Being at school from 8-6 was too much for him to handle and it caused a lot of stress. Trying to do homework after dinner was horrible. I wish that I would have understood how important it was for him to have some quiet time after school sooner. I also wish that I had been able to change my work schedule so that I could have always been the one to pick him up after school, help him with his homework, and take him to sports and other activities. I truly believe that he would be much farther along academically and a lot less stressed out. 

I finally was able to change my schedule to be available after school and it has made a world of difference. 

This sounds like a very concerning and alarming thing to hear, especially in light of what you went through with your older child.

Dyslexia runs in my family, and I work with children with learning disabilities, so I fully understand your alarm and your motivation to help. I'm always on the lookout for any signs my 3-year-old is going to have trouble reading -- poor, overly scrutinized child.

I would suggest that you may not want to overwhelm your son with work he finds challenging all summer, to the exclusion of fun - and active! - activities. That might end up just exacerbating his negative emotional response which might hurt him more in the long run. That said, as you noticed with your daughter, you have the best chance of providing effective interventions the earlier you can get started, and kids often lose skills over the summer without the consistency of school (even in the context of normal academic progress).

It sounds like your son really suffered a double whammy: experiencing challenges in learning amongst his "sea of strengths," and being verbally berated for them by an adult who was supposed to be helping. From your description, it sounds like he really took some of the abuse and shame to heart, so turning around his narrative that "it's just easier to pretend to be dumb all around" is going to be crucial, especially for such a little guy - he's got a lot of years of school still ahead!

You might want to consider non-intensive tutoring. Strategies for Learning has camp sessions, although I don't know what age groups they serve or how long the camps run each day. You might find someplace that has camps with work in the morning and play in the afternoon. He might benefit from getting to know other smart kids who struggle. On the other hand, he might be on the younger end of the age range, since you are so on top of this, which could be challenging socially.

I would consider it most important for you to read together. Imparting a love for reading and keeping your son's interest in language and stories alive, boosting his comprehension and developing his inferential thinking with thought questions as you read will keep him on track for when the underlying mechanics do come online. My son has been really into audio books recently. We get CDs from the library and he gets to work the CD player himself (he's remarkably careful). Some afternoons, he will finish an Ivy and Bean book and turn around and restart it happily while I cook dinner (yes, it is glorious, and no, thankfully he doesn't understand that he is scuttling his prospects of wearing down my weekday TV ban). He asked me what an "oath" was the other day....

Ultimately, it is a balance between intervening early to support a sense of success and mastery (and by extension heading off the self-esteem struggles), and not creating problems with unrealistic expectations. You might ask your neuropsych examiner for a little more guidance and space to discuss your concerns, in addition to seeing what his teachers recommend.

You are clearly conscientious in wanting to support your child, which is awesome. I would be sure to consider the academic skills AND the emotional development as you decide how to proceed.

Best of luck!

Does the neuropysch you used work for the school district?  It's classic school district tactics to avoid diagnosing, particularly around issues connected with reading like dyslexia.  It's also a false narrative that you have to wait until the child is two years behind their grade level to diagnose.  It's pretty clear much younger than the third grade, and there's no need to make a child feel stupid, slow, and inadequate for three or four years before the school finally acknowledges there's an issue.   Some kids are just slow to start reading.  others have dyslexia.  If your child has dyslexia, then the earlier you start intervention, the better.  Our daughter was diagnosed as having signs of dyslexia at the end of kindergarten.  So the private neuropychologist we used recommended we start reading therapy with an educational therapist immediately.  There was no educational down side to this -- if she had dyslexia, reading therapy would be incredibly helpful.  And if she didn't have dyslexia, it wouldn't hurt her to have some extra reading tutoring.

As it turns out, she indeed had dyslexia, which the neuropsychologist diagnosed as definite at the end of first grade.  We have had her with working with an educational therapist since the summer before first grade.  She's now in 8th grade and reads at grade level.  

Furthermore, we decided to withdraw her from public school after the third grade and send her to a progressive private co-op school, Crestmont.  Crestmont is a mainstream school, but their approach is wonderful for addressing each child's strengths and challenges.  When she was in public school in third grade, she started telling us she was stupid.  (Even though she's actually quite bright.)  Since we transferred her, she has thrived.  She feels really good about herself and smart and talks about being a lawyer.  Crestmont even has a reading specialist, though I highly recommend a private educational therapist if you can swing it.

Good luck!.