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Alternative for 14 year old who hates school?
Aug 2014
My 14 year old HATES school. She does well in school, is very responsible, but just hates it. She starts getting depressed at the beginning of August, thinking about school starting in the fall. She is basically depressed until June. She hates it all: the homework, the cliques, teachers assigning assignments that seemingly go nowhere (that is, she cannot see a goal or a reason for the assignments), dislikes most teachers and only tolerates other students.... She is friendly enough, but goes through the day in a sort of non-committed way, resenting the whole institution. Part of me wants to shout, ''Suck it up! The rest of us do!'' But the other part of me wants her to be happy, value education and learning, enjoy her day, feel stimulated and engaged....
Is there such a school? A school where she does not have to sit and be bored six hours a day? She goes through all the motions, gets A's, but is so depressed that I am worried about her. She has three more years of high school. This seems to be a SCHOOL issue, as she is not depressed in other areas of her life. She is active in sports, has hobbies that she enjoys, is funny and sweet. But she hates, hates, hates school and it is a dark cloud in her life (and mine, by association).
Any ideas of alternative schools that will not treat her like a robot? Can't fathom three more years of this
One alternative I highly recommend is Tilden Preparatory School (on Solano Ave in Albany, also a branch in downtown Walnut Creek) for middle through high schoolers. My child was there for middle school last year due to a chronic illness and it was a godsend. Students there may be Olympic athlete hopefuls, musical prodigies, have chronic illnesses or learning disabilities, or just in need of a more intellectually-engaging environment --- but each student's classes are tailored to him/her and to his/her schedule. My child took algebra, history, science, english and latin one-on-one with fabulous and stimulating teachers, all with advanced graduate degrees! Wow! It went from a potentially completely wasted year to a year of stimulation and learning, accomplished at his own pace (which was very fast once he was finally feeling better, and I credit sending him to Tilden Prep as part of what finally led to his complete and full recovery). There are full time as well as part-time students, electives like photography, and some academic group classes, as well as optional club meetings and discussion groups at lunchtime. It might just be the stimulating alternative your child could thrive in. Thankful Tilden Prep parent
I really encourage you to meet with the Directors of Tilden Preparatory School on Solano in Albany. http://tildenprep.com/
If it wasn't for this school, I'm not sure my son would have finished high school. They truly understand the issues we face with our kids and get why they have lost faith in education.
My son had an amazing one on one teacher named Myles, who connected with him in a very special way. My son says he will never forget him and will always hold him in high regard. I am eternally grateful to Myles and to this school.
I wish you luck as you navigate this difficult time. I wish I had found Tilden earlier than I did A supportive parent
Check out Maybeck High School in Berkeley. Very academically stimulating and has a personal touch. Classes are very small and taught seminar style. More like college than a traditional high school. Happy Maybeck Parent
My heart goes out to your girl. My kid, just starting middle school, found school torturous for many of the same reasons. We opted to homeschool and now have her enrolled at Tilden College Prep, which is also serves high school kids. It is an alternative school in Albany & Walnut Creek that basically one on one tutoring with group electives and clubs. The teachers customize curriculum to meet your child's interests while also meeting standards. They even have AP class options for high schoolers. It is not cheap, but neither is private school, that still has unpredictable social dynamics and hit or miss curriculum. If your daughter is as smart as she seems, she can have less hours with the teacher and work more independently to get through the coursework. They have open enrollment as long as they have teacher availability. Also, you may want to check out support from Jade Rivera. She is a huge advocate for girls that are gifted and are struggle in traditional schools. I believe she has a scholarship option - 4 free sessions - to counsel, support, and commiserate with your daughter. If not, she has a sliding scale for those that need it. I encourage you to check her out: http://jadeannrivera.com anon
Maybeck High School in Berkeley is the most respectful one I know. The faculty actually treat the students like people who can be responsible for themselves and their own learning - and student representatives are part of the disciplinary system for those who have trouble with that. The classes are rigorous and engaging, the student body is inclusive and diverse, and the students end up feeling both confident in their own sense of self as well as well-prepared for college. Maybeck Mom of 3 Alumni
Not sure if private school is an option or not. I went to Maybeck in the early 1990s and loved it.
I get the impression the school is less ''alternative'' now than it was- more ''college prep'' (even though the academics were amazing when I was there from a stimulation perspective).
But anyway I think people still like it and it definitely instilled a love of school in me- would still be in school but for $$ - JD and LLM later... Class of '93
I'm sorry your daughter's having such a tough time. Check out Maybeck High School in Berkeley. My jock-ish son is a sophomore there and he loves it. I've long been impressed with the strong sense of community and tolerance for every sort of kid; there are goths, geeks, genderflexible, mainstream, foreign exchange students, punks, even an evolution-denying Christian. And they all get along! Amazing, I know.
Tolerance is taught and expected. Community is built from the get go with the beginning of the year all-school camping trip (where there are workshops and summer reading is discussed), and the year end camping trip. All students are expected to contribute, from participating in workshops to washing dishes.
My son struggled with time management his freshman year - he's involved with a competitive sport six days a week - and his grades were flagging. Towards the end of the year, he finally realized that his teachers were on his side; wanting him to be successful, and that their availability at lunch and email updates to me were to help him be successful. What a breakthrough!
And then there are the Special Programs. Every Spring, approximately seven different programs are offered for a two week period. The teachers design and lead the programs. Last year's included a trip to Ashland for the Shakespeare Festival (they went to plays, met the actors, made fake blood, etc), caving in Belize, and more locally, mural making, a photography course (lots of field trips and learning photoshop). The cost of the programs varies quite a bit, but there is financial aid so that every student gets to be a part of an international trip. At the end of Special Programs, the community gets together for ''Slide Night'' - to share learning and experiences and reconnect.
After a year of being a Maybeck parent, I attended the graduation, along with much of the entire school community, and, again, I was floored: Each graduate gave a speech - some short, some long, but everyone was heard and celebrated. There was so much love, and so many amazing, thoughtful, funny, and grateful things were said. This event cemented my respect and affection for Maybeck.
Wishing you the best in finding the right school/community for your daughter.
You might try exploring the vibrant homeschooling world. There are many of us who homeschool our kids for just these reasons and therefore can allow our children to pursue passions and love learning. You might look at http://www.quantumcamp.com/ which has an east bay campus. She may also be a great candidate for junior college classes. poking around Hoagies might also help, includinghttp://www.hoagiesgifted.org/online_hs.htm letting them fly
Looking for independent study program for high schooler
Jan 2010
My 15 year old recently left high school due to acute anxiety and depression. I am now looking for an independent study program so that he can complete high school at home. I cannot afford private independent study programs. Does anyone have experience with this situation, or know anything about alternative ways to educate a high schooler? I have tried Berkeley High independent study program but they are not taking transfers. Mom at a loss
The California Virtual Academy is an accredited independent free public school program. They have a curriculum as well as a teacher who will meet with the student on a regular basis. Here's the link to their website to get you started: http://www.k12.com/cava/. They even offer special services, such as speech-language therapy, when needed. Good luck in finding the right match for your son. Frances
If you're looking for public school options, there are two home study charter schools that go through high school, Connecting Waters and Basis. I haven't used them so I don't know any details, but I do know that they both offer a curriculum of subjects you work through at home, with periodic teacher meetings. Jennifer
My older daughter attended 10th through 12th grades at Venture in San Ramon, it is an independent study public school that took us as transfers from Contra Costa county. She had an excellent experience there and is now a college sophmore at a UC. My younger daughter is currently enrolled at Vista, which is an independent study public school in San Pablo. You could check them both out and see if either would work for you. my kids couldn't stand high school either
There's a terrific book that can help guide you in analyzing your child's needs and searching for alternative education methods. It's ''The Picky Parent Guide: Choose Your Child's School with Confidence'' by Bryan Hassel and Emily Ayscue Hassel. A treasure trove of information, it's available from pickyparent.com. We decided not to go the independent study route and finally found the perfect school for our 9th grader, who loathed traditional school: Envision Academy in Oakland. Search this BPN site for previous postings on this school. Best of luck--your child is lucky to have you as an advocate. Nancy
Considering alternatives to public high school
March 2009
My high school sophomore is at odds with his high-pressure Lamorinda high school environment - he's extremely bright, but not engaged with classes/teachers. He manages decent grades but is working under capacity. He is quiet, seriously into computers and somewhat socially isolated, and had some depression last year which has improved with treatment. I wish we could find a place where he'd get more attention, have less pressure and could allow himself to catch fire with his classes. We might be able to handle a private school for a year or two, or would consider letting him try DVC. Looking for good advice from others who have been here. Also looking for comments on the School for Independent Learners or options such as Bentley in this area. Thanks in advance. Lamorinda Mom
Consider Orinda Academy for your teen. Small class size with a lot of individual attention, responsive teachers, nice kids, accepting community. My son is a sophomore there, and is thriving. Anon
My son, too, struggled with similar problems-- wasn't engaged with his high school classes, spent way too much time on the computer playing video games, and was not very social. He also struggled with anxiety. I took him out of his too large and too hectic high school and he is doing much better at the School for Independent Learners in Albany. The directors, Shary and Karen, are fantastic, and so are the teachers. I wish I'd known about this school when my son first began high school. It is wonderful to see him excited about learning. Grateful mom
If you believe your son is capable of working independently, you might want to consider enrolling him at Venture (http://www.venture.srvusd.k12.ca.us/), an independent study school which is part of the San Ramon Valley public school system. My daughter hated high school and started at Venture the end of 10th grade, graduated last spring and is now a freshman at UC Santa Cruz. If you would like to know more about our experience at Venture feel free to email me. mg
My son went to Miramonte in Orinda for his freshmen year and became very depressed. The kids were cliquish and cruel. He did like his English class because the teacher, Mr. Lytton, was creative and inspired, but my son was not impressed by his other teachers.
We are sending him to Bentley this year and he has a lot of respect for all of his teachers. Also, he is a guitarist and he is thrilled with the music program. Socially things are OK - not great - but the Bentley administration and faculty take the well-being of the students very seriously. Intolerance and the kind of teasing that goes on at Miramonte is not allowed. It may be a better place for your son - I don't know - it is so hard to know what to do when your child is depressed. I hope things work out for you. Bentley Mom
Dear Lamorinda Mom,
go for private school. Your sophmore sounds like the perfect candidate. I have Three kids, all different, and I have had to research all kinds of school. I would be happy to speak to you and pass on anything information I can. Feel free to email and I will give you my phone no. Tracy
My son has had great success at Holden High School in Orinda. The staff is supportive, understanding and dedicated. The class sizes are small so the students get more attention and are less distracted. There is also a counseling component built into the program. Found to be very helpful for teens. A great sense of community and acceptance is felt between staff, students and families. Check it out at www.holdenhigh.org. It is the East Bay's best kept secret in our opinion. Best of luck to you and your son. Sincerely, Jane
Independent study or intern schools for bored 14-year-old
Sept 2006
I have a 14 y.o. boy who hust started high school in Albany.He's smart but has a bad track record with motivation and doing work. He states school really bores him and the high school is no exception. If he straightens up with his responsibilities and does okay this year I promised him We'd get him into Berkeley High or maybe Bekeley's independant program. I've heard of ''intern schools'' where the student goes to class 3x a week and then sits in on some college classes 2x a week.I haven't had any luck finding any.So...can anyone tell me of their recommendations,experiences about any of these modes of learning? I would ideally like a combination of independant and classroom work. I don't think I could handle an intense or exclusively home based program.Thanx in advance
carmela
You might want to consider Venture H.S., which is an independent study high school, part of the San Ramon School District. My daughter also hated high school, and at Venture she can work independently under the supervision of a teacher, and take community college classes also. Their website is http://www.venture.srvusd.k12.ca.us/default.asp
mgivens
Check out Urban Renaissance on Stanford near the Oakland/Berkeley border ... (click for full review)
Just a second on Urban Renaissance in Oakland. My older daughter attended a similar school in Napa ...
I am a Co-Director at Holden High School, a small private school in Orinda. We work with students like your son who are bright, but have not enjoyed or have been bored by school. Our school schedule is such that students have flexibility to take community college classes:we have a fairly short school day, and we have a requirement that students take at least 1 community college class. If you would like more information, please feel free to email me, call the school to have a brochure sent, or check out our web-site at www.holdenhigh.org. It may not be the right fit, but might be worth checking out. Good luck in your search! Sincerely,
Kristin Lamoureux
Co-Director at Holden High School
Hi there-
For medical reasons, my daughter did online high school for four years, with a bit of 1:1 at Tilden (one English class during the summer, which she really enjoyed). She is currently a sophomore at University of Denver and it seems to be a good fit. One of the reasons behind our support for her choice to attend DU was their Learning Effectiveness Program which, for a quarterly fee, provides another layer of academic support - not specifically for tutoring, but more for navigating the college experience with a weekly 1:1 counselor meeting and benefits like early registration. There are many 4-year schools - large and small - with similar programs, and I think those should be seriously (if not exclusively) considered for any student who struggles with traditional high school learning, for any reason. I think without this individualized help, college life would've been much more difficult for my daughter.
After talking to many parents who have been in a similar situation as you, I would advise comprehensive neuropsych testing if you haven't done it already, to better understand his unique challenges. And my final suggestion is to to put your student in a place of learning that is comfortable for him, where he can enjoy learning and feel validated and confident in his work. Thoughts of college readiness or college selection are premature if he doesn't get to a place of feeling successful in school. Hope that is helpful! Feel free to message me privately.
My kid had an IEP for similar issues. He fulfilled his foreign language and math requirements (A-G) at Tilden Prep. When it was time to apply to college, we only looked at places that cater to kids with learning differences. Southern Oregon University in Ashland has a Coaching and Mentoring program (e.g. Classes start tomorrow. Have you bought your books?) and that worked for him. I believe Landmark College in Vermont offers something similar but was out of our price range. He only had to take one math class in college and no foreign language, so that helped. Your situation might be different.
I want to stress that our kid very much wanted to attend a 4-yr college straight out of high school, so we worked hard to help him achieve his goal. So I would just make sure this is what your kid wants. Our other child had zero interest in college and after struggling for a few years is now launched into a career that brings him great joy. Best of luck!
That sounds like the same kind of very difficult situation I went through, so my sympathies to you! My 2E kid transferred to Tilden full time after a disastrous freshman year in public high school. It would have been the right decision for us even completely ignoring the college prep factors, because it so vastly reduced all the stress the entire family was experiencing as a result of his school struggles. And I credit his graduation from high school to the 1:1 mastery-model approach at Tilden; Tilden gave him the option to even apply to college, which of course is a different question than how well prepared he was when he got there, but he never would have been accepted to a well-regarded state university and been able to give it a try in the first place if he hadn't made it through high school! I'm so grateful that we were able to marshal the financial resources to get him there and keep him there through graduation.
After Tilden, he went off to university with no supports beyond the counseling services available to all students at his school, and he did reasonably well through his first two years (which included the spring 2020 pandemic shutdown and 2020-21 all-remote-classes year), applied as required for and was successfully admitted to his desired major program. Then in the middle of his junior year he failed a required upper-division course, which would not be offered again until the following year, and long story short, he ended up leaving school altogether. It remains to be seen whether he will ever return and finish his degree. This is not the outcome I hoped for, of course, but here's the thing: He is now a fully self-supporting adult, living in his own apartment, happy with his life and content in his career, which at least up to this point has not required a degree. I really can't complain, given how many of his peers, whether they've earned a college degree or not, are still living with their parents, floundering in the job market, not really fully "launched" as they approach their quarter-century.
So, of course your situation may be different in all sorts of particulars, but I encourage you to think about the choice of high school for your kid mostly in terms of the high school & teenage experience itself - including the impact on you, managing all the tutoring and monitoring - and not to prioritize college preparation too heavily. There's no intrinsic reason that a student who finds success with the 1:1 high school model can't also be successful in traditional college classes, any more than a student who does well in college lectures and seminars can't also be successful in the working world which after all is, in most cases, structured very differently. And your kid, with three failed classes already in 9th grade, is in an emergency situation; if he wants college to even be a possibility, he needs to do something different in order to finish high school. One step at a time! Or, as they say, you can burn that bridge when you come to it. ;) Once high school graduation is a more realistic expectation, you can start thinking about whether the next steps include the "standard" or traditional college experience, or not. Either way, my best wishes to you and your kid.
Thank you all so much. These stories and perspectives are really helpful. The comment about the current situation being an emergency especially resonates. Prioritizing the obvious needs of my kiddo right now and then looking at other goals, like college readiness, makes sense. We had a terrible 504 meeting today where my kid left in tears and I felt pretty demoralized. It's time for a change for sure.
My 2E son (with pretty serious ADHD) was struggling a lot in public school (very similar story to yours, including a lot of refusal of those kinds of supports that we tried to offer). He moved to Fusion Academy for 11-12th grade. Everything turned around for him and he excelled at Fusion, and his confidence and learning went way way up. Fusion did a lot of preparing him for college, helping him make his own plans for managing homework on his own, and other life skills. He is now a junior at an academically challenging, small, progressive liberal arts college that offers good support to diverse learners, and he is doing extremely well in every way. : ) He proactively seeks out the tutoring he needs (offered on campus) and manages his homework and personal life just beautifully. I think Fusion's structure of doing the homework right after each class really taught him how to structure tasks for himself. We could not be more glad that we made that change for him.
Best of luck!