Therapist for Preteens
Parent Q&A
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Looking for a practitioner to teach my 11 year old self-control
–Mar 16, 2024(4 replies)Hello,
I'm looking for a practitioner (therapist/counselor, etc) to teach my 11 year old daughter self-control and how to regulate her emotions. If you have also found a practice for your child (maybe something like a yoga or martial arts school or anything else) that has done that as well, I'd be open to hearing about it too. Just whatever has helped your child the most. If there is a specific person or place, I'd like to hear about it.
Thank you so much!
Mar 16, 2024Need therapist recs for 12 y/o daughter
–May 31, 2021(2 replies)My daughter is strong-willed and very resistant to most of the boundaries her dad and I set for her. Her relationship with her dad, in particular, is very negative right now. She routinely accuses us of hating her if we don't let her do what she wants and is generally rude, disrespectful, and self-centered. On the other hand, having been a teen girl myself, I think a fair amount of this is normal behavior, and I also think her dad is too hard on her. Of course, the pandemic has been really hard - she has been doing well in school and has good friends she is now getting to see again, but she has gotten really sedentary and basically wants to be in her room on her phone all day.
Against this backdrop of things not going so well, including my husband and I fighting about how best to respond to her, we just discovered that she used a razor to cut her arm. It looks like she's only done it once, but of course this is a big red flag and we want to get her the support she needs. Would love recommendations for a therapist who could help her with these issues. We're in Oakland and would prefer someone close by -- assuming that in-person therapy is starting back up. Thanks!
May 31, 2021Any CBT practitioner recommendations for 11 y/o with anxiety?
–May 27, 2021(3 replies)Hi BPN-ers,
I would love to get recommendations from other parents for a cognitive behavioral therapist who specializes in children with anxiety. Our 11 year old son has been developing anxiety in a couple of different areas and needs some professional support, but it seems that many of the therapists from the archives are no longer taking new patients or have closed their practices. Any insights with regards to therapists or other resources would be much appreciated. Thank you!
May 27, 2021Any reviews for Miriam Gross LCSW or David Green LCSW?
–Mar 23, 2021(5 replies)Hello BPN,
Our pediatrician recently recommended Miriam Gross and David Green for our tween child, but the only reviews are from 2004. I would love some feedback before we proceed. What was your experience with them? Were they helpful? I really appreciate any help you can provide.
Mar 23, 2021Therapist for 5th grade boy struggling with friendships
–Sep 24, 2019(4 replies)Hi--my son was picked on a lot when he was at a small school in first grade and has often been a bit of a target to others because he will react to teasing. I think that he tends to react defensively and with anger even when the situation could be laughed off and have a better outcome. With me, he is fine, loving, gentle, fun, etc. but I can see that he needs to learn how to navigate friendships. I was thinking that a therapist might be able to teach him some tools and I thought it might be good to do this before hormones fully set in or before he goes to middle school.
Do others have advice or recommendations for a therapist who might be a good match? We'd like to find someone in the Montclair/Rockridge/Lake area or possibly Berkeley/Alameda.
Thanks in advance for sharing your experience!
Sep 24, 2019Therapist for anxiety for sixth grader - peninsula area?
–Aug 27, 2019(1 reply)Hi, we have a new sixth grader who has suddenly had a mild case of occasional anxiety develop into pretty intense school fears as he's started middle school. I'd like to get him started learning some tools ASAP but we are on the peninsula so I'm having trouble finding reccs in the archives for our area (also ok with South Bay or SF, but getting to the east bay is daunting). Any recommendations would be welcome.
Aug 27, 2019Therapist ASAP for 11 yr old son talking about suicide
–Aug 16, 2019(7 replies)Our son confessed that he has been thinking about suicide several times this summer. He says he doesn't like himself or his life and wants the pain to go away. He had a traumatic birth and he and I (mom) had a challenging time with attachment in the early years. He has a history generalized anxiety, moodiness, and is easily dysregulated by hunger or lack of sleep. He's been having trouble falling asleep lately so his sleep deprivation is aggravating everything. He blames his 7yr old younger brother for all his troubles and has been physically and verbally aggressive with him on a daily basis. We're with Kaiser and we've been playing phone tag with the Richmond Psychiatry dept all week. We're willing to go outside of Kaiser. We just want to find someone asap who would be a good fit to work with him and the whole family, as necessary. Hoping to find someone in the Berkeley/Albany area if possible.
Aug 16, 2019Therapist for 10yo girl with anger and impulse control issues
–Oct 12, 2018(5 replies)I am seeking help finding an excellent therapist who can help us with our 10 year old daughter with major anger and impulse control issues. She has just moved to live with me in Oakland in the summer and attending a new school, 4th grade. I’m a single dad, educated professional, so is her mother, my ex wife.
She has gotten into all sorts of trouble with other girls at her new school which has just resulted in her suspension for threatening other students. Kaiser does not have appointments for weeks out. Private pay referrals are welcome.
Thank you.
Oct 12, 2018Family therapist or individual therapist for defiant preteen
–Jul 18, 2016(2 replies)We are desperately seeking an excellent family or individual therapist for out 9 year old. She is an excellent student and very social but her behavior at home is out of control: defiant, angry, rude, aggressive with her little brother , drives us crazy and has gotten into a pattern at home we would like to break. Please help with any recommendations in Berkeley, Albany etc areas. We would prefer a female therapist.
thanks so much!!
Jul 18, 2016
Archived Q&A and Reviews
Pediatric CBT therapist for 12 year old
Nov 2010
I have a 12 year old who has always been prone to depression and anxiety and now with puberty setting in, the irritability and moodiness is paralyzing to her and our family. We are all living in fear of her mood and disapproval, which is crazy! She is already on small amount of meds but her doctor suggested CBT for her and possibly later for her and her siblings and/or me together. Here is the catch - I am a single mom and work full time but i have a generous PPO. I would like for her to be able to go by herself once a week after school. So I need a female therapist in Albany who takes insurance. If you know of such a therapist, please let me know. very worried mom
I highly recommend Anne Marshall. She's warm, compassionate, supportive, funny, and she gives real-world, practical advice so that you come out of a session with a sense of what you need to do to tackle your issues. Not a straight-up CBT approach, as far as I know, but she's very good at helping her patients take concrete steps in the here and now. I saw her as an adult, but I think she would be a good fit for preteens and teens as well. Last I checked, she had an office in Albany (midway down Solano) and took insurance. Jennifer
Boy, if only there were a silver bullet for this! Do you have a sense of the root cause or most serious impact of your daughter's lack of self-control? Do you have a sense that she is out of step with her peers in this regard?
Martial arts certainly can work, at least while they're in the dojo. My somewhat dysregulated now 13 yo has also liked reading the American Girl Smart Girl's Guide to Emotions (and there are more topics that touch on this) School counselor maybe another option or resource? Kaiser has some kids' groups for anger, if that is a factor. Time, maturity, and peer feedback also works.
Do you mean executive function? You might want to consider checking in with their pediatrician, perhaps they should be assessed for adhd.
Even a neuro typical child will have plenty of executive function issues, since the pre frontal cortex isn’t fully developed until age 27.
If your child is on the autism spectrum, UCSF has a great program called “Regulating Together.” All about kids managing their big emotions . Waitlist can be long. I know screens are not ideal, but we have had success with a system called Mightier. It is a child self-regulation app with a heart rate monitor.
Hello. I would suggest looking into an occupational therapist (OT). Some OTs specialize in emotional regulation. You didn't provide much info about what is going on for your kidd--so I am making some assumptions, but if these issues are a big struggle or something that impacts her daily life, you might want to consider getting a nuero-psych evaluation. The evaluations are expensive (if you don't go through your local school district), but they might really help you drill down on what is underling your daughter's challenges around self-control and emotional regulation. You may have already done all the assessments and evaluations of you daughter, but if not, they can help you understand if she has a sensory issue, a learning disability, a processing disorder, an executive functioning challenge, anxiety disorder etc. Sometimes it helps do know why they are having trouble regulating their emotions before you try to get them to regulate them.