Warn other parents about nanny I fired?
We were in a nanny share that ended when we fired the nanny after the (host) family went on vacation and care took place at our house. One day she had our daughter in her crib 6 of 9 hours, another day 7 of 8 hours, and the last day 4 of 4.5 hours (with no diaper change). On these days, the (crib) logs showed our daughter (5.5 months) was a mixture of crying and sleeping after prolonged crying. The written logs the nanny captured about each day were inaccurate (noting times she was playing, that they had taken a walk, etc.). The day that we let her go, we installed a camera to observe what she was doing and saw that she put our daughter to bed 5 min after we left telling her/writing in the shared log that "she just woken up 30 min prior" and then proceeded to sleep on the couch and watch TV -- nothing terrible but combined with lying, a confirmation of not the kind of care we want. After 3.5 hr nap/crying, she fed her and put her back down after 20 min. to sleep again. At this point, we went home and confronted her. She admitted to lying in the logs and said my daughter was "happier when she slept more" and that "she knew it was wrong to lie and was sorry". We told the other family what happened and why we were letting her go and they decided to continue care with her. I spoke with the mom who said they would look for another family (to share with this nanny) and I feel conflicted about this. I know we've left her care and that in some aspects, it's none of my business. On the other hand, I feel it important to inform other families about this and her care; I would have wanted to know about an issue like this. This mom and I have a shared mom network and I feel like I should share with other moms but the other part of me thinks I should leave it alone and trust that this nanny will be an honest caregiver with the next family. What would you do?
Parent Replies
So sorry you had this experience. I'm a new parent looking for a nanny, so I don't know what the protocol is in these situation, but I also don't really care. I feel like the only right thing to do is to make sure parents considering leaving their babies with this nanny know your experience. I would absolutely want to know. I'd disagree that what she did wasn't that bad, it seems neglectful and borderline abusive depending on how upset your baby became. At the very least, she proved herself to be untrustworthy which I'd consider disqualifying for a potential caretaker. If you don't know that the other family in the share will convey this information to potential new parents, I think you should figure out some way to contact them yourself. I do think you have that obligation. Thank you for protecting our babies!
If there is anywhere relevant where you can leave a public review, I would do so and then offer up your email for anyone who wants to discuss.
This is a very bad nanny (and good for you for firing her - not an easy thing to do). I read your post last week and am actually shocked to hear that the Snoo log was validated, because it seemed impossible to me that a nanny could leave a baby alone so much during the day in a crib. Does your other nanny share family fully understand the extent of the behavior and lying? I agree you should warn other families, but you are up against an apparently desperate family who will retain this nanny no matter what, and you probably won't have an opportunity to weigh in. It seems like the only way families can be fairly warned is if she has two bad references from this time/ some sort of gap in her resume. This is a situation that warrants sticking your neck out/ butting in. It's not about subjective styles of providing care. The actual care she is providing is just as worrying as the lying.
What a terrible discovery. I'm glad you were able to detect the deception and protect your daughter. I absolutely think you need to tell others about your experience. If someone you know entrusts their baby to this nanny and you don't say anything...To me that lack of a warning would be hard to forgive. And strangers' babies are just as worthy of protection.
Without question you should inform other families. This woman mistreated your baby, lied to you, and hoped to get away with it because your baby was too young to tell you what was going on. I would call the Better Business Bureau and report this woman, as well as letting your mom network know. Since you know who she is and know that she is still presenting herself as a nanny, I think you definitely have a duty to report her. I am baffled by why the other family would still allow her to be alone with their baby. As a parent, I would want to know about this woman's standard of care and would not even consider leaving her with a baby. Also, I immediately wondered what other baby or child care practices a person who thinks it is okay to leave a baby in a crib for 7 hours (I assume that was not the middle of the night?) might find acceptable. There is not a shred of evidence to suggest this person would change hr ways with the next family. She clearly knew what she was doing was not acceptable to you or she would not have lied about it. She either genuinely thinks babies are happier when left in their cribs to alternate between crying and sleeping for seven hours straight in the daytime, in which case she will do this again ... or she knew perfectly well it was harmful yet did it anyway. Either way, she should not be left alone with a baby or young child. Please take a stand for innocent babies. This woman should be working in a different field so you are doing even her a favor by exposing this.
I would tell. 6 or 7 hours in a crib?! Goodness, I would want to know, too.
I'm also a parent looking for nannies and I would want to know! If this happened to us, I would make sure that it doesn't happen again to anyone else. Her career deserves to be ruined because she clearly doesn't care about the children.
I'm both a mom and a nanny and to me, that behavior is totally unacceptable. I really don't think it is ever okay to lie to the parents- after all, what else might she lie about? When you are caring for someone's child, trust is absolutely key. It is not normal for a baby of that age to be sleeping that much and it sounds like she is putting her own comfort/laziness over the care of the little ones. I would share it with the other moms in your circle as tactfully as you can.
OP here, thanks for all your parental advice. I am affirmed that it's more important to warn other parents about this nanny than "respect" the other family by staying silent.
Also, we found another Nanny on BPN and she is fantastic. While it's only been a short amount of time, she is amazing. Our daughter rarely cries with her (something I thought I would have to just "accept" with the original nanny) and her love and care for our daughter is so apparent, it's hard for me to believe I had ever accepted something different. Long story short - trust your gut, listen to your baby, and there are great people out there that will take fantastic care of your children if you choose (or have to) work!