Therapeutic boarding schools - safe option for boys?

Hi. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this issue with your son. We have been there and my son, after attending the excellent Open Sky Wilderness program out of Durango , CO is currently at Catalyst, which is a residential treatment center and school for teenage boys. It's excellent, I'm impressed with the program, the therapy, and I've been there several times. Most of the boys there (and at other similar programs) do wilderness first. A good EC is critical to help you find the right match for your son and your family. I wish you the best on this challenging but ultimately rewarding journey.

I'm sure mine won't be the only response that will recommend that you contact Willows in the Wind and attend one of their monthly meetings -- in one of three locations, Oakland, Los Altos Hills or San Rafael. Willows is a support group for families facing the same decision you are.  Call Jan Rao, 650-868-1988 or email jrao [at] willowsinthewind.com.  I believe there's a meeting this coming Saturday in Oakland.  It's a group of wonderfully compassionate people.

Best of luck to your family.​

Hi. 

Having a kid who is struggling to the point where you are considering a therapeutic boarding school (TBS) or residential treatment center (RTC) or wilderness program is incredibly painful, stressful, frightening, and confusing. You have my empathy (been there) and sympathy. 

Yes, there are many safe and well-run TBSs and RTCs. But even at those programs that are safe and well-run, there will be a) some kids for whom a particular program just doesn't work or doesn't fit; b) some staff who are less than the constantly perfect and ideal guardians we want them to be; and c) some program aspects that are simply not to one's own taste or standards. That's just reality, in the same way it would be if you were considering multiple standard high school choices for your kid. What that can sometimes mean, though, in the kind of extremely fraught and high-stakes situation that sending a kid away to TBS or RTC is, is that upset parents, students/patients, and even former staff can post negative reviews that freak out already highly anxious parents who are desperate to find help, support, and guidance for their struggling kid. 

As an aside, Pacific Quest is not a TBS, it is a wilderness program. Wilderness programs are often used as gateways to TBS and RTC programs. They are meant to be short-term--typically three to five months--to stabilize and assess a teen who is struggling, and then help a family decide (often in conjunction with an education consultant, who typically follows the entire wilderness process on a weekly basis) what kind of TBS, RTC, or other program will best fit the needs of the teen and their family. 

My 16-year-old was at PQ from Nov 2018 to Feb 2019. She is now in an RTC in Utah. She misses PQ, loved her therapist there, loved the site, the peers, the process. She and her dad and I all agree that her PQ experience was profoundly impactful and positive. And yeah--there are animals in the kitchen, because the kitchen is entirely outdoors in a huge, wild garden!

I recommend that you attend a meeting of the group Willows in the Wind, which is a parent-led support group for parents with kids in, or considering, residential treatment programs of all sorts. You can get a lot of information and talk to a lot of experienced parents at one time, and ask about their own TBS recommendations. 

Very best of luck finding the right help for your kid and your whole family. 

My advice- stay off Google and start working with a solid Educational Consultant.  One who knows the different options available and can work with your family and your son to support you all through this process. In most cases, enrollment in a Therapeutic Boarding School (TBS) is NOT the first step.  You didn't mention your son's issues but it could be RTC (Residential Treatment Center) is a an option.  Whether it's Wilderness or Muir Teen (for example if drugs abuse is involved) there is almost always a program your son will transition from- TBS is a second or sometimes a third step in this process.  Keep in mind there are different types of TBS.  My son's issues revolved around addiction (dealing and using), depression, oppositional defiance, I could go on.  He has been at a TBS for the last 15 months during which time he spent 6 weeks in Wilderness. I would not change a thing about the choices I've made and where he is now- this has saved his life and made our family stronger.  There is nothing easy about the decisions you are going to be making.  What is critical is an evaluation for your son working with an Ed consultant who can give you the options for your next step.  And that's all you can do- focus on this moment and what is happening now- not 6 months from now but today.  That will help you see where the support is needed for your son.  That will make all the difference in selecting where your son transitions.

Try to do something for yourself today- anything.  Take a deep breath and start working with someone who has the experience and insight to guide you properly - a good consultant has spent time on campus with every program he or she discusses or recommends.  They know the owners, they know the process.  Only then will you know you are working with someone who cares about things to come for your family and can help find the best possible placement for your son.

I truly hope you get the support you will need during this journey.  And it is a journey- try to avoid timelines and things needing to happen by such and such date.  That thought process will not serve you well as you prepare and accept things to come.

First of all, I would caution against reading online reviews of residential treatment centers, let alone putting any credence in them. The population of people who would write a review is comprised solely of the students who did not have a successful experience, and you have no way of knowing whether they had the bad experience because it was an inappropriate placement, because their difficulties were beyond the scope of the treatment offered, and/or if indeed the center had intractable problems. Most reputable residential treatment centers and therapeutic boarding schools have lots of successful students, but for a variety of reasons those students and their families are not likely to write about this in a public website, so remember you are getting a very skewed sample when you look to strangers on the internet to help inform your decisions.

This is why most people hire what are called Educational Consultants. These are professionals who visit the schools, know who the clinical, academic and residential staff are, have a pulse on the nature of the current student population and can help you parse out whether "roaches in the kitchen" meant that once there was a bug on the floor or something more pervasive and serious.

I highly recommend you engage with the support group and resources available through Willows in the Wind. You will be able to meet other parents who are going through similar worries and concerns, get recommendations from others and evolve your own way of thinking about this difficult decision.