Possible Boarding School with LD/Executive Function Support
Hi,
Seeking a discipline solution for a 13-year-old who is about to enter high-school next year.
Ideally, this would be a well-run, small boarding high school with lots of empathy and a structure, LD support, academics for high iq kids who can't handle the high-pressure environment, but this doesn't seem to exist.
Dealing with lots of everything on a somewhat low scope: disrespect and not much respect for boundaries we set, very strong personality, some oppositional behaviours, autoimmune health issues that will require gluten-free diet, and a supplement regiment. No drugs or substance abuse, depression or such, thus prefer not to place him into a residential program. Simultaneously, behaviorally he is uncontrollable unless things are his way and disruptive.
Wilderness camps seem to be cruel and extreme.
What does one do with a child like this? What kind of program do we put him in? (We are in Peninsula and he rejected programs like Compass or Mid-Peninsula. I can't say I disagree with him, the academics are low and the pace is slow, plus, he doesn't want to be placed in a school for kiddos with disabilities as doesn't think he has any.) . He got into an emotionally well balanced private high school, but is refusing to go there as well because it is not popular with his peep group.)
Your recommendations are appreciated.
Parent at a loss :(
Parent Replies
I am sorry you are going through this. I would suggest consulting with and educational consultant for a good fit school for your child. I have used Mary and she was very experienced and knowledgeable regarding what school to chose for each child. She lives in Washington but I didn’t feel like the distance was an issue with us. https://empowermyteen.com/
I think you are right about residential treatment centers not being the right place for your son. Maybe a therapeutic boarding school is good for him.
I believe the priority in this case is, have you child become a respectful person first (to self and others) and then academics. My son is on the gifted side (junior in high school and now in a therapeutic boarding school since this January), we decided to have him focus on building self confidence, healing and self esteem above anything else. So we kind of lowered the academic intensity. That allows the child to have less pressure and less distractions. Meanwhile kids will learn other important life coping skills that regular schools don’t teach. You might want to look into Diamond Ranch in Utah.
You are doing the right thing by trying to find a good place for your son!
Good Luck,
Yuri
You are very wise to start looking for solutions for your son now, while he is in his early adolescence. I don't have a suggestion for a particular school, but having dealt with a struggling son, who eventually went to a wilderness program a month before his 17th birthday, I have empathy for your situation. Wilderness was extreme but an EXCELLENT intervention. I recommend engaging an educational consultant. The solutions are often very individualized - they look at your kid's psychographic and educational profile and have expertise in the various schools and program out there. Yes, they can be pricey but the good ones are worth ever penny. I am happy to talk to you further about this if you like. Please contact the moderator for my email. And best wishes.
I'm sorry for your distress. This is indeed a difficult situation, and one of with which I am very familiar (including Peninsula School if that is what you meant by "in Peninsula").
If you have not already, you might consider a few steps:
Having neuro-psychological and neuroscience-educational assessments done (Morrissey-Compton is one on the peninsula).
Meeting with a high school placement consultant familiar with boarding schools (NextStep: School Selection is one on the peninsula).
Meeting with an educational consultant familiar with a range of supportive services from very little to highly supportive in a range of environments from support at home to wilderness to various types of boarding schools (Bodin Group is one on the peninsula).
Attending a meeting of Willows in the Wind, a parent founded and run support group for parents who are going through or have been through what you're describing (meet in 3 locations, including Los Altos).
First step: do something to take care of yourself today, no matter how small, you may be in for a long ride. You are not alone.
I experienced something similar as you with my son at that age. After having sent him to a pricey private school until eighth grade, he could no longer skate through school on charm, memory, and intellect. He would have to work through the nitty gritty of high school. He suffered from what many (not him) would call severe ADD and he refused to alter his mind with medications (possesses powerful sense of self). My husband and I tried every tool in the shed to make traditional high school work for him; and while he "appeared" to fit in well, playing soccer and hanging with a group of great friends, he was confused and he hurt A LOT. It had never occurred to us that a kid who presented so incredibly well actually was very afraid of "not making it".
In retrospect, I would have skipped the fancy school (granted, it was good) and its exorbitant tuition (which we took out loans to pay) and instead immersed my son in every creative outlet imaginable that suited his fancy: coding, music composition, ceramics, movie making, painting, graphics, robot building, theater, metal working, etc. Had we done that, our son would have "found his bliss" much earlier, much more smoothly, and among people whose minds worked as quickly and creatively as his.
Now in his early twenties, my son is thriving, not materialistically (yet!), but he works his mind and spirit in ways he loves EVERY SINGLE DAY. I send your son my best wishes!!!
Thank you to all who responded!
Yuri, I am wondering if you would be open to speaking with me about Utah school?
If so, kindly pm me.
Thank you,
K
It may be that your parenting style does not suit your son. I would suggest that the two of you, and perhaps the whole family, see a therapist to see if you can untangle some of of the problems together.
I am moved to answer your question because my son also developed an auto immune disease in middle school. He was not diagnosed until high school. For him, dealing with feeling rotten all the time by himself, without knowing why, and without that much sympathy from parents, was a very lonely and scary time. One thing is it's a lifelong diagnosis (no cure), another is that it can have lots of symptoms such as fatigue and aches, lack of concentration etc. He had behavior problems. We put our son into therapy and also a fun lesson once a week. (We used Fusion Academy). It was a sad time for us, things have improved. It wasn't all because of the disease, but that was a part of it. Best wishes to your family.
Hello!
I just saw your post and would like to offer you our experience with an East Coast boarding school. After two years at Berkeley High, our son suggested he attend an out of state boarding school, preferably on the East Coast where two friends of his had gone and lacked focus and interest in school and needed more structure, academic support, and also who wanted to take on more independence away from the home environment. We found an academic counselor who advised on the school selection and applications and knew the admissions contacts. Now our son is graduating and heading to college. I am happy to talk or email you personally if you would like more information. All the best to you and your family.