School-Aged Kids & Sleep

My daughter attended kindergarten from 8:30-noon, and then on-site day care until 5:30pm. She would regularly just fall asleep on the floor at the day care, I told the staff to just let her sleep. Eventually she adjusted and started going to bed earlier. I got good at prepping dinner in the morning so I could get it on the table fast when we got home and she could be in bed by 8.

Do either of you have any flexibility in your work schedules?  My partner shifted her hours so that she goes to work earlier than I do and comes home earlier than I do.  This means she is able to pick the kids up at 5pm rather than 6pm, which makes it possible for us to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time.

We have a similar situation with 2 jobs and 2 kids, both in school/afterschool or preschool until 5:30 or 6. We found that our daughter was happy but exhausted by the transition to K and needed more sleep for the first 4-6 months. We streamlined the morning aggressively so she could sleep until 6:45 and rushed the evening for a while so she was in bed closer to 7:30 rather than 8:00. That's the most we could manage with jobs/aftercare/cooking, and has been fine (she now goes to sleep at 8 and often wakes up on her own around 6:30 although not always). For the mornings, we eliminated all choice. She chooses and lays out clothes the night before and places her order for breakfast and we don't renegotiate. We pack lunches for the entire family the night before. For evenings, our cooking is simpler than it used to be so that it's truly 30-35 minutes from walking in the door to sitting at the table so that we can be done eating around 7. Then it's teeth and books, with kids in bed for the last book (falling asleep if it's been that kind of day, which is fine). No more nightly baths, but she also doesn't get nearly as dirty as she did in preschool. It isn't perfect, but we're getting it done without tons of friction, which is a decent indication that she's getting enough sleep. Your daughter will probably be tired at first no matter what, and so give yourself several months to figure out what works. Good luck!

Hi there. As you know, every child's internal clock is different, so I will only offer you what we do and what has worked for us for both of our children. We are two working parents with commutes. We are home by 6pm (since that is when childcare ends).

6pm - 7:15pm. We get home-cooked dinner on the table and eat as a family. If the kids are efficient eaters, they get some time to play afterwards. We generally "take orders" for food requests the next day (or just tell them what is being packed to avoid a hassle in the AM).

7:20 - 7:40pm. Time for showers and brushing teeth. (One parent monitors the bedtime routine while the other cleans up after dinner and preps food bags for the next day. During this time, pajamas and undies, plus outfits for the next day are laid out after checking the next day's weather. Toothbrushes get toothpaste, and any medicine is prepared.)

7:40 - 8pm. Time for reading and cuddles with all children and parents together.

8pm. In bed with lights out. More cuddles and individual songs with each parent separately.

Depending upon how early we need to be at work, we wake the kids up between 7 - 7:20am, though they are usually already up by 7am naturally. If we need them up early or to get ready with little assistance the next morning, we try to tell them before bed the night before, and they are amazingly accommodating! I am confident they get about 11 hours of sleep, and that has been the case for both of my kids for 8 and 5 years, respectively. We generally leave the house by 7:45am (usually earlier) for family drop off (two separate drop-offs). In casual carpool line by 8am. We use beforecare at the Y.

6pm - 8pm is hectic, but we all try very hard to be efficient and flexible. For example, if I get home at 6:15pm vs. 6pm and need to start dinner later, I might have to shift gears and make something more simple than what I originally planned. I try to have a dinner plan in my mind during my BART ride home, so I can hit the ground running when I arrive home. I also involve the kids in the cooking (they love to help) as much as possible. I don't usually pre-chop veggies on weekends, but I do sometimes, and that helps a lot.

I am confident that your family will find it's stride. I hope what works for us can be tailored to your daughter and family and helps you find that stride earlier!

Our daughter is almost 6 and has always gone to bed at 7:30, gotten up between 6:30 and 7:30, depending on how tired she is. On school days we have to wake her by 7, which she is sometimes grumpy about :). I agree that the key is to make thing efficient wherever you can so that mornings and evenings are easy - order groceries once a week, prepare meals in advance and prep vegetables while you're chatting over breakfast, etc. We even bought an extra freezer to have room and make big pots of stews and sauces over the weekend (with her helping). If your kid will have homework (ours does) that adds complexity but we read with her on the train, in the car, waiting for whatever, etc. She also has at least an hour rest with stories on tape, in her room, and sometimes an actual sleep, on one or both weekend days sometimes. It seems to help if the week has been particularly tiring. Don't worry too much, and I hope it goes welll.

PS if there is any chance one of you can work from home one day a week that helps - we do and it saves us each a total of almost 2hrs commuting time. It gets various things out of the way - laundry, grocery delivery, to free up the small amount of time with our daughter and avoid a crush of things to do mornings/evenings, late bedtime, cranky family, etc :)

sleep is so crucial, esp as they adjust to kindergarten and get used to using their little brains more. one thing i found helped me streamline our evenings was putting my kids in the bath or in their PJs--if they didn't need a bath--as soon as we walked in the door. then they are already mostly ready for bed when they finish eating and we head straight down after dinner to brush teeth and read. we are light out at 7, but that can be challenging. i think if you get get your kid to sleep by 7:30/45 that's huge. 

we also found that our eldest would have a hard time falling asleep on time  a couple nights a week after starting kinder. don't think this means she doesn't need the sleep! we kept her bedtime the same and she has now adjusted and calmed down again. it's just they are processing so much new info and are wound up from it. it can take a little longer for them to fall asleep. 

also, be forewarned that some kinder teachers are now assigning homework which cuts in even more to bedtime esp for working families who get home later. we opted out of homework this year, other than reading at night. we have read lots of research and found that homework does not show real value until middle school! and yet teachers are assigning more of it and earlier and earlier. it's insane. kids work all day and need to come home and reconnect with their families, play and sleep. we prioritize these things and just explained to the teacher we were opting out and why. it hasn't been an issue & our child is on track with where she should be. you CAN say no to homework. (although reading is crucial--i would not cut that out.) it's up to parents to change the tide and take their family time back. lots of great research out there now supporting this!