Handling Comments about Pregnancy Appearance

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Archived Q&A and Reviews

Uncomfortable with comments about my pregnancy

April 2006

Why do people feel it's appropriate to comment about how someone looks pregnant? I am petite, small boned and weigh just over 100 lbs when not pregnant. I really don't like the whole flowered maternity dress look and have easily tranistioned into larger sizes through both of my pregnancies.

I don't feel comfortable with the added attention and questions that come when people (mostly strangers) ask questions about pregnancy. I prefer to blend in and not call attention to myself.

Lately people (all women) have been telling me that I need to wear maternity clothes. What can I say? I feel uncomfortable when people fixate on how I don't seem to look pregnant (believe me, I know I am) or that I somehow am not doing things right. I like to look like me. And what's so wrong with that?

Everyone has their ''own look'' while pregnant and I wish people would just respect that this is mine. We're all fine thank you!

I'll never forget when I was pregnant with my first son, somebody said to me ''Did your face look like that before you were pregnant?'' I was shocked but I love to laugh about it now. There's something about being pregnant that makes people think they don't have to respect you or your boundaries. They'll touch your tummy unasked, they'll say rude things about how big or how small you're carrying, and they give lots of unsolicited advice! I usually just say something sarcastic, like ''Oh, are you a doctor?'' which stuns them into silence, but for the most part people are just going to be rude and there's not much you can do about it. If being rude back doesn't work for you like it works for me, a casual ''thanks'' and walking away is your best bet. Jill

I got a lot of comments too when I was pregnant - add to that strangers touching your belly without asking or taking guesses at the baby's gender without being asked. (Mostly during the 8th/9th month when I was showing). I changed my attitude really fast at that point - this is all about attitude, really. I realized that I live among other people and not in a silo. The arrival of a newborn sparks interest everywhere - probably a biological response. It is a time of celebration, of being talked to, of having seats offered to you, of people smiling at you, because it is a special and joyful situation. I decided to fit in with the rest of the world by enjoying their excitement about my pregnancy - and how rewarding that was instead of fighting it or wanting to deny my pregnancy. Now that is not fitting in. Rethink, relax and enjoy! You could be having a good time right now. It's all in the mind. How much more beautiful life is when you let things flow instead of putting up immediate resistance... Anonymous

Ha! Do what Miss Manners would advise: the next time some one tells you that you ''should'' be wearing maternity clothes, fix them with a cold stare, and say as chillingly as you can ''thank you for your concern about my personal appearance.'' And then leave it at that! Just the tone of voice, if done coldly enough, will make it clear that you're not interested in discussing it. Short of wearing a sign, though, I don't know how you can prevent the initial comment to begin with. Best of luck. No Comment!

I feel your annoyance, and I remember mine all too well. I think that if strangers absolutely must comment on a pregnant woman's appearance, the only appropriate thing to say is something like, ''Wow! You look wonderful!'' When people spewed dumb cliches at me, I would smile radiantly and respond, ''Really? Well, I think I look great.'' (Works better if you can manage to sound unirritated, but very self-confident.) Melanie

Get used it. The comments from people who don't know you at all continue on once the baby is born. ''Don't you think your baby should be wearing a hat?'' ''What an odd name you gave him, why did you do that?'' And several friends who went through a heart wrenching time trying to breastfeed and couldn't would have strangers come up to them and make nasty comments about how bad it is to feed their babies formula. The other day I saw a posting from a woman who said once someone told her that her working full time out of the house was equal to child abuse. Then there are the people who feel it's ok to stick their fingers in your baby's mouth. There are many times I wish I had the right passive aggressive comment to through back at people, but in the end these rude people have served me by teaching me that I should not be so quick to judge others and to think twice before opening my mouth to say something that might be offensive. anon

To heck with everyone. I'm going through the same thing but I get things like ''are you sure you're not having twins'' or ''you're HUGE.'' I am nearly 7 mos pregnant, and I've only gained about 13 pounds. I dont' know why people feel like they have to comment but you don't have to listen to them. It's hard. I'm pretty outgoing and can laugh it off, but for a shy person, it must really suck. As far as someone telling you you need to wear materniy clothes...that's your decision. As long as you're comfortable and you feel you're dressing appropriate for work and stuff, do what you want. However, be careful about wearing constricting clothes like jeans and things because I don't know if that's so good. Some people don't need to wear maternity until they are way into the pregnancy. I was not one of those people and love having nice comfortable waistbands around me. but, don't dis all the maternity clothes. There's actually some cute stuff out there. Good luck and ignore all those people. they're just jealous! big mama

I'm so glad you posted this question! I felt like posting something similar a week or so ago. I am 4-1/2 months pregnant with my first child. The biggest surprise I've had so far about my pregnancy is how personal and private I feel about it; I'm normally a reserved person, and this experience is so intimate that I really only want to talk about it with my husband and my close friends and family. I've been feeling overwhelmed with how public pregnancy is, and how strangers or co-workers feel free to make comments about my size, progress, etc. I know that a lot of women like the attention, but lately I've been feeling like everyone looks at me as some kind of breeding cow! I can't imagine another situation where strangers would think it's acceptable to make comments about your body or your clothes.

I feel like pregnancy is the first round women get of the 18-year deluge of unsolicited advice from everyone on the planet about what they're doing wrong! I think that there are a lot of people out there (yes, it's been all women for me too) who make the kind of bossy comments like the ones about maternity clothes. These are the same people who will be telling us, ''You know, you really shouldn't let him cry like that,'' during a grocery store tantrum in 2 years! I've just started saying ''Great! Thanks for the feedback!'' in a cheery voice, and ending the conversation. It's worked every time!

One thing I've noticed, though, is that I have good days and bad days with my tolerance of other people in general, which is probably hormonal. On good days, I can see that everyone genuinely means well even though they're being nosy and inappropriate, and I try to be a good sport about their questions. On days when I'm irritable and have a short fuse, I just try to lay low and change the subject when the pregnancy questions come up, but it's still annoying. Good luck, and know that you're not alone! Kristine

I am completing my 7th month, and as a health care professional, working primarily with women, I find their comments to be unique and amusing at times. This is my second pregnancy and my daughter is a teenager, so I have had many years to strengthen my self in boundaries, body image (as we all seem to)and in knowing what a healthy pregnant women looks like! There are three body constitutions, therefore we are all going to look differently in our non and pregnant states. Second pregnancies and beyond normally show sooner and bellies normally manifest greater. This is based upon our muscles and overall bodies knowing what to do and engaging sooner.

I, myself am at the same weight and size as I was when I birthed my teenage daughter - now at 7, almost 8 mos. But, I will share I am healthier, more vibrant, more active, eat healthier, am happier and have an attitude and outlook of embracing pregnancy in all of it's glories. I might be bigger than a woman due now, but, I have a healthier pregnancy and feel great!

I do remember my first pregnancy, feeling unhealthy, suffering the majority of the pregnancy, and people imposing their opinions and advice or touching me. That extended to strangers touching my child and for some reason I could not find the voice to stop this! That has changed for me now and I hold myself with confidence, and strength. Therefore, even if I am asked,how much have you gained? I answer with I feel great, my midwife says I am healthy.

We simply must re-educate others as to what healthy pregnancy is. Inorder to lactate healthfully, we must provide nutrients and have the reserves to do so. Healthy MAMAs to me look somewhat round, at least for the first year or so after birth. And if you look at their babies, they are plump, well fed and happy babies! Isn't the health of our babies the whole point? Embrace your child bearing years! And ignore those who are projecting their uncomfortabilities with themselves, or who envy you and your baby. Many blessings in your pregnancy, birth and in welcoming your child! Samantha

Comments about my early weight gain

October 2004

I am sure I am not the only one who has gone through this, but I am feeling like I am at my wit's end! I am 5 months pregnant and like my mom, showed early and have gained all my weight in my tummy. For some reason, this has prompted all the women in my office (and my mother in law) to make little ''comments''.

My doctor assures me that my weight gain is normal and I feel fantatic. I know that overall, the most important thing is the health of the baby. However, I am getting so many comments that it's starting to make me feel bad. I had a history of issues with my weight (what woman hasn't) and these make me feel worse.

What can I do? Particularly, the comments aren't as much ''wow, are you a fatso'' as much as ''Oh, I told so-and-so I saw you and that you are nice and chunky now'' or ''Your face is getting so much fuller and fatter lately'' or ''boy, you sure do eat a lot, don't you?'' Janki

I got lots of comments on my size both times I was pregnant. The first time it really upset me, the second time I found it sort of amusing. I am not very tall, so my sweet husband took to telling people that when you aren't very big, you have to build 'high-rise' rather than 'ranch', which I thought was cute. If I felt someone's comment was inappropriate but well-intended, I would sometimes say, in a teasing way, ''You're not supposed to say that...the only appropriate comment on a pregnant woman's looks are variations on 'You look fabulous!''' If the comments seem unkind, I would either ignore them or say, ''Gosh, that makes me feel badly.'' This usually embarrasses the person enough to keep them from making more comments.

As for how you feel about yourself, just try not to stress about it. Everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy and I'm not sure how much you can really control it. If you're eating healthfully then you're doing the right thing for your baby, and you can worry about the weight post-pregnancy. been called fatso...

OH man, your post hit a nerve with me! I am a pretty go-with- the-flow person and it takes a LOT to embarass or offend me. But I was just amazed at how being pregnant turns everyone around you into a medical expert. For me, I actually gained the amount of weight that my doc targeted, I felt great. But, sometimes people would come to me and say, oh my god, you're enourmous...you're going to have a big baby, etc., and then the next person would say, you're not that big, you don't even look pregnant.

If your doctor says you're fine, you're fine. The question is, how to handle all the unwanted comments. I don't have a good answer. I just blew it off most of the time but on occasion I'd say, I just went to the doctor and I'm right on track. Sometimes, I was downright b*tchy...depending on how hormonal I was. It took me two years to get pregnant so I wasn't going to let these people get to me. I sometimes said, I'm pregnant and I hope I get so big I can't fit in my car to come to work!

It's amazing how insensitive people are. And, I think I was probably insensitive to some poor pregnant woman before I was pregnant too!

Eat right. Go for walks. Ignore all the crap. It will get more and more intense as things get closer and then, after you have the baby, there's EVEN more unsolicited advice coming your way. Everyone loves to tell you how to parent. Trust your gut.

Good luck with your baby. mizlandry

Hello-- I weighed 125 lbs before I got pregnant. I showed early (4 months) and gained 60 lbs by the end of my pregnancy. I'm now down to a healthy 135 (at 5'4''). I have a belly with scars (Badges of Honor!). And am very concerned when women who choose to become moms are very worried about weight gain during pregnancy. Who cares what people at the office say! You're pregnant!! There's a human taking up space inside you! Relying on you!!

I think pregnant women should be less concerned about weight gain and more concerned about the foods they put into their bodies that feed the baby. If you want to lose the weight quickly AFTER the baby is born...then breast feed. All that weight gain is food and nutrition being stored for the baby. If you bottle feed, your chances of losing weight quickly is lessened. If you're worried about your breasts sagging, then use a pump.

Your concern might falter into an obsession which could potentially harm the baby if you're trying to lose weight while pregnant. Light exercise, like walking daily or gentle yoga (Read: Yoga For Pregnancy - with photos and complete instructions of Do's & Don't's. And also prepares you for birth by opening your hips and lower back), drink plenty water to reduce water retention and eat a healthy (possibly all organic!) diet. That's the best thing you can do for you and the baby.

Once you really start showing you will look less disproptionate. Spare yourself the worry of weight gain and remember that you are, right now, the 'home' of your new baby. And protecting your baby should be more important than your outward appearance.

Oh, also, the best secret to looking 'slimmer' is to wear lots of tight fitting clothing, like stretch cottons with Lycra, in BLACK! And use accent colors like red beads and braclets, decorative touches in your hair and fun comfortable shoes!) Your pregnancy should be a time of wonder and joy... not worry!

Good luck and stay healthy!! tinygirl

You are pregnant. You will gain weight. Weight is progress. Perhaps these people making these comments have never seen a pregnant person before and don't realize some of the basic facts. :-)

It is stressful. People will always tell you (I am five months into pregnancy number 2, myself) some variety of 'you are so big' or 'you are so small.' The only two people with a good handle on the real situation of your weight gain are you and your doctor. If you feel healthy and your doctor isn't telling you lay off the milk shakes, then you are doing just fine. Whenever people make a comment about my wieght gain, I just say, 'My doctor is really pleased with our progress.'

It doesn't help you that people make these comments, but keep in mind that everyone carries differently. I put on 50 pounds during my first pregnancy (oops...but, I did manage to lose 55 pounds over the next four to five months), but everyone thought that I was 'so small' and looked great. I looked fine because I am 5 feet 10 inches tall. My next-door neighbor put on a normal 25 pounds during her pregnancy and everyone thought that she was starving her fetus. She is 5 feet 11 inches tall and carried a little too well (Our babies weighed within a few ounces of each other). Put either weight gain on a five feet two inch girl and she is going to look huge.

Enjoy your pregnancy. You will lose the weight at the other end of this. And remember, whenever you see a pregnant person don't tell them that they look 'big' or 'small' (small isn;t always perceived as a compliment). Tell them simply that they look fabulous. Maybe you can help start a trend. -been there

I can totally relate! When I was pregnant with my son, it was open season on my belly and it really bothered me, especially when perfect strangers felt the need to comment on how big I was. It made me so mad because without even knowing when I was due, people would say, wow, you sure are big! I had a colleague ask me to turn around so she could see if my butt was getting bigger! When I got my haircut, the cutter asked when I was due, saying I looked like I would ''pop any day!'' I was 7 months and she lost me as a customer. Anyway, I wish I had the perfect response but I don't. I tried ignoring it, agreeing (I know, I'm huge!),laughing it off, and getting angry (''I'm pregnant, what's your excuse!''), but didn't find much that helped. It helped to realize that people seem to want to connect with pregnant women and babies in general. I think it is also important to respond differently depending on your relationship. You might tell your MIL that it hurts your feeelings and or just ask her not to comment. With my coworkers, I kind of made a joke about ''workplace harassment'' which it kind of was. Don't know if this helps other than to say you are not alone.

Hang in there and know that you are growing a person inside of you and that to him/her, your body is absolutely perfect in every way. big mama

I can totally sympathize with you! I just had my baby 2 months ago and everyone at work made comments the entire pregnancy, comments ranging from the relatively benign like ''it's nice to see you round'' and ''you got a bootie'' to the more hurtful like ''fatty.'' I even went home in tears one day! The only thing that helped me was to remember that the comments were not meant to be cruel. People are just rather insensitive and clueless. When I was feeling less emotional about it all, I did ask individual people to stop commenting, which they did. I also tried to spend more time with the people who were supportive. I found, oddly enough, that the most helpful, supportive people were men with children and/or pregnant wives. You could also ask your husband to talk to his mom. Ultimately, however, the only true remedy is to remember that you are healthy and beautiful! It will all be over sooner than you realize and then you will miss your big, wonderful belly. Been There Too

This might be a little different perspective -- when I was pregnant with my son I was worried about my weight gain. I think at 33 weeks I had gained over 40 lbs already. But you know what? My son was born unexpectedly at 33 weeks, prematurely. And you know what happened? He was big for his gestational age (4 lbs, 15 oz), and that helped him while he was in the hospital. And you know how I feel now that he is 17 mos old? Really really glad that I ate healthily and fully while pregnant, gained weight, and in doing so gave him the maximum opportunity to develop in the time he had available to be inside me. So I guess I am saying regardless of others making comments about your weight, I hope that you can know that giving your baby maximum potential to grow and thrive is so much more important than anything else. It took me over a year to lose all my pregnancy weight -- and it wasn't fun to be heavier, and it wasn't super easy to lose it (and I didn't even go through the last 7 weeks of pregnancy!). But I never ever once regretted that I had gained the weight. You tell anyone who gives you a hard time that you are giving your growing child the deluxe treatment and that if you have anything to do with it he/she is going to be the most well fed baby on the planet! Healthy (fat) mama equals healthy (fat) baby

Big Belly Snappy Comebacks

April 2002

I feel like this shouldn't matter, but the amount of insensitive comments I am getting these days regarding the size of my pregnant belly is starting to get to me:
But you're SOO BIG, (open mouth, gasp)... You're HUGE! Wow, i thought you must be due any day now. (I'm not) You must be due really soon now. When are you due? You must be having twins. (I'm not) I/my (sister, cousin etc) only gained 20 pounds.
The big insensitive comments/ beautiful belly comment ratio runs about 10/1. On good days I marvel at what folks will say to strangers and try to enjoy my big round belly with my dancing baby during these last months. But on other days I feel like crying or hitting someone. I think I'd feel better if I had a snappy comeback for these insensitive folks. Any suggestions?? big belly

Hard to believe we become common property when pregnant, the things people say! You could try the ole dead pan eye to eye contact and say ''I'm not pregnant'' just for the discomfort it will cause for that split moment.or '' I know you are but what am I?'' or '' You should see my sister!'' or ''Hey, I won the pie eating contest!'' or ''MOO'' All right, i could go on and on...seriously though, bask in your huge and lovely glory and marvel at what your body is capable of. Wrap your arms around that beautiful belly and know that in only a short time you'll be holding your baby and people will then want to try and tell you how to parent!!! Good luck. jnana

I don't have any snappy comebacks, but just wanted to tell you that I experienced the same thing. I was pretty large during my last trimester and received comments from everyone - including strangers in a car who pulled over while I was walking down the street to ask if I was having twins! I just said that the doctor told me it would be a large baby (she didn't!) and that seemed to satisfy most. Of course, my friends then discovered that my daughter was only 7.5 lbs at birth! Oh well - by then it didn't matter so much. At the time, I was very insulted and hurt, but looking back, I just have to laugh at how silly people are. Good luck! Enjoy this precious time! Jaime

I thought I as the only one to experience this. I am six months pregnant and I started receiving comments as early as 3 1/2- 4 months!!! About a month ago a co-worker (male at that!) said ''Wow you are Huge!!!'' My response was ''I know imagine if I were pregnant!!!!'' Don't let it bother you just enjoy you big beautiful belly and the little one kicking around in there!!! : ) Nacole

I find that saying ''I'm not pregnant'' really shuts 'em up. Sonya

Pregnancy ettiquite is a underreported issue. I actually wrote an article called Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions (based on Mad Magazine's format). I too endured stupid questions while pregnant, and know how you feel. You can always do what Dear Abby says and answer with a question ''Why do you ask?'' That usually shuts them up...

Some of my responses to the big belly comments are:
Q: You're that big already? A: (smile) Yes! Isn't it amazing? Q: You must be due really soon! A: Yes, I must be... Q: Are you having twins? A.: No, are you? Q: My sister only gained 20 lbs A: How nice for you (or her).
I know it's hard to grin and bear it, but you could try having fun and getting the last laugh. Good luck! Mollie

I just gave birth last week, so have been hearing all of the unfortunate comments myself for the past few months. Most people who blurt out unkind comments probably don't even realize what they are saying. I decided to smile and walk away when I heard silly things about how large my belly was (still is!). Just keep feeling good about yourself and your healthy baby. Joan

I, too, am very large for the month I'm at, and I was with my first pregnancy as well. I also had the same comments from strangers, co-workers, and friends.

I suppose it didn't bother me much because I felt they were all comments on the baby and not me and not necessarily my body (whereas I'd consider comments on ''T & A'' or general shape [''fatso''' or ''anorexic''] to be about my body). Never had a body ''worth'' commenting on pre or post pregnancy, so maybe I enjoyed the focus on this big ol' baby my body was producing. I usually respond with a smile, a ''thanks - looks like it's gonna be a big ol heatlhy baby alright!'' and leave it at that. I do think that people feel compelled to comment because they have personal experience, or just ''admire'' the whole pregnancy experience. So I hope you can remind yourself that yes, it's the baby people want to talk about, and not you.

Conversely, I feel regret at my constant comments regarding a friend's ''invisible'' pregnancy - people constantly marvelled at how small she was, where was that baby hiding, surely you can't be that far along. Brava to her for not thinking there must be something wrong! Helen

I am getting lots of the same comments. It may not be snappy, but I tell folks, sometimes with a smile, sometimes not, that they should never say something like that to a pregnant woman and that they should not underestimate the power of raging pregnancy hormones. If it is coming from someone I know or work with, I have said that I am very sensitive about my big belly and would appreciate not hearing about how huge I am. Again, not snappy, but it gets the job done. This leaves me to enjoy my big fat belly in peace! Big bellied too!

I didn't have a big belly with my pregnancies--I had an unusually small one. So I got nailed with the opposite comments: ''gosh you're so small! is the baby alright?'' ''do you eat enough?'' and ''it must be because you exercise'' and that kind of rude, nosey nonsense (weren't we all raised not to comment on people's bodies????) It was sort of like I was the anti-Mommy because of the way my body grows when I'm pregnant! By the end of my 2nd pregnancy I was also spitting nails, and I came up with two responses. To some people I just said, ''yes I do carry kind of small and I feel very lucky!'' This seemed to stop the people who were just needling me. (So you could say ''yes, I'm big--isn't it GLORIOUS?''). To one woman, who EVERY time she saw me said, ''I hate women like you who don't gain a lot of weight'' I finally said, ''I feel really uncomfortable when you comment negatively on my body, especially in front of my 3-year-old daughter. I'm sorry my size bothers you, but I have to ask you to stop.'' She looked mortified and never said anything again! Susan

i am still trying to find a snappy comeback for people who think i am pregnant now (2 years after my last baby was born)!! suzie

I also got those comments and hated them. Although I never came up with a good one-liner, I did have an amusing conversation with a friend that helped take the sting out of them.

We fantasized about a whole list of similarly intrusive, offensive questions we could ask in return--about their hair, weight, habits, appearance etc--and cracked up at all the possibilities. ''Do you cut your hair yourself? You should really pay someone to do it...it will look a lot better'' and so on. Then, when some clueless person thought themselves licensed to give me unsolicited feedback, I could chuckle inside at what their reaction might be if I actually said some of the things I wanted to.

And then, if they tried to rub my belly, I'd wonder what their reaction would be if I started rubbing some of their body parts.... mm

I really sympathize--I just wanted to give you a hug when I read your message! I don't know that there is anything you can say to stop these people... unfortunately, pregnant bellies seem to be magnets for comments and people forget that there's a person with feelings attached to the bellies, that their comments are rude and/or insensitive, and that we get tired of the seemingly endless stream of comments and advice. The best advice I can give you is to change the topic--you don't have to answer any question or respond to any comment you don't want to, and if someone is being rude, you have every right to just walk away. Please try to enjoy the time you have left in your pregnancy... it's a special time, and it will be over before you know it. Good luck! Kristine

How about ''Well, at least I have a reason...what's yours?'' or tell them it's quadruplets and then let them gasp at how small you are. Anonymous

I am a doula and I absolutely love pregnant bellies, so obviously I am coming from a positive place in those rare moments when I make a comment to a stranger about their pregnant belly. It never occurred to me that someone would take offense. When I was pregnant I just loved my second and third trimester when my belly was getting soooo big! Perhaps a good way to frame it in your mind when someone makes comments is to find joy in the fact that people can't help but notice that you have a big healthy baby inside of you. Albeit you would prefer the use of a nicer adjective than the word ''huge!'' I can't even imagine saying that to a stranger. I guess some people are a little oblivious. Good luck with finding some kindly comments to set them straight. Marianne

Re: Snappy Comebacks. Yes, it's very annoying that some people feel that you are public property just waiting for their observations/comments on the size of your belly. My suggestion: Yes, that's what happens when you have a baby growing inside of you. (flash them a smile). Brightstar

I understand completely! I carried all out in front, so much so that from behind I still had a waist. It truely looked like I had a beach ball in my shirt. I worked with elementary children until I delivered my child and I got comments from both children and their parents. Several different children, in the presence of their parent, made comments like, ''Your belly is so fat! You look like a basketball is in your shirt!''. I took the opportunity to discuss with the child (in front of the parent) that, Yes- my tummy was getting big but that it means that the baby is healthy. I then would turn to the parent and sort of jokingly say, ''So my body's changed but I'm still the same old teacher. It bothers me when that's all they seem to focus on!'' Other parents were usually around, so they would hear this and understand that I didn't just want to be identified as a pregnant woman with a big belly.

I really felt protective of my belly and baby rolling around like a little wiggle worm and I relished the times that he was rolling around and no one else but me knew. I did read in a magazine a few snappy comeback lines that I used with people on the bus- ''You're so huge!'' was responded to with, ''I'm pregnant. I'm supposed to look this way.'' ''You must be due any day now!'' was met with, ''Acutally I'm only 2 months along!'' And, ''Are you having twins?''-- and this was my favorite--''Yes, would you like to see them? They're in here!'' and I'd start to open my bag! I delivered several weeks early, so I'm wondering what I would have heard if I'd gone 40 weeks!

On the post-baby body note, I was told a few weeks ago by an aquaintance that it was disgusting how easily I lost my pregnancy weight (I gained 35 pounds, ALL in the belly it seemed) and that some women should not be allowed to look so good after having a baby. Maybe she thought she was giving me a complement, but I thought it was rude. I simply said, ''Well, I breast fed my son exclusively for six months (he's still nursing 4x a day at age one), I eat well, excercise and just enjoy my baby as much as I can.''

Enjoy your big, round belly. Try to remember with all your might the view from above your belly as you try to see your feet- take a picture of it! Enjoy the feeling of your baby inside your tummy. You are a wonder. Just try to teach your child how to comment with feeling and tact. More than likely the people who make these comments didn't have someone to help them learn this valuable skill. Margaret

Check out this new website called www.LAPregnancy.com - it's perfect for pregnant women and it's all about humor and 'hip' information. Best, Maxhipcat

The come back I used for some particularly annoying commments from particularly annoying people was simply,''Didn't your parents teach you any manners?'' Suzanne

To the woman offended by the big belly comments and to all of those out there who think it is insensitive to notice or mention it. I think your problem with the big belly comments are more of a reflection of how you feel about yourself, not how others feel about you. There is nothing shameful about a big belly and people's comments should not be interpreted as offensive or insensitive, especially children's. Comments that are considered ''insensitive'' I would say, are comments that regard something a person is sensitive about. Why on earth would anyone be sensitive about a pregnant belly? It is exactly as it should be. Being pregnant may not be all of who your are, but it certainly is important and it is different. Otherwise would we take all of those pictures of our bulging bellies?

My last child was over 10lbs. You can bet I was huge. When I went in for a non-stress test at 6 months, a nurse brought me a wheelchair thinking I was there to deliver. It was funny. I was ''huge''! People looked, kids commented. I looked. It was awesome. What the body will do. It's incredible! Of course people are fascinated by it. Of course people will comment on it. You do look like there is a basketball under your shirt (or a watermelon), so what? It's another whole human being. People are empathizing (sp?), in awe, noticing, commenting, sharing, connecting (there certainly is not enough of that around).

I'd rather have that anytime over the ''sensitive'' business people on the BART who would not notice my belly even as it poked into the newspaper they were too busy looking at so they would not realize I might appreciate a seat! Or the sensitive people at the airport the other day who did not notice my daughter's huge stomach and her struggle with her two year old to get on the plane. She would certainly have appreciated a ''Boy you are huge! Can I help you with your bag?''

How about the next time someone comments on your belly, you think about who is in there, put a beaming smile on your face and say ''Amazing isn't it?'' Enjoy your belly. It will be gone all too soon. Anonymous

I just thought I'd add that it's important to keep in mind that people don't generally mean anything by it when accidentally or intentionally calling attention to a big belly. When I saw a friend of mine who was huge, I was embarrassed that I'd mixed up her due date, and was in the process of apologizing when she told me her due date was two months off. Also, some people are just amazed by what the body can do when they mention that a belly is huge, and it may not always be appropriate to try to insult somebody back just because they unintentionally insulted you. Then two people feel bad. Sometimes it's fun to have the snappy comeback, but it sometimes gets the message across more effectively to simply look at somebody and let them figure out the impact of what they just said for themselves. Jan