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- Father-in-law has expressed interest in childcare for baby
- How much should I pay mother-in-law for afterschool childcare?
Father-in-law has expressed interest in childcare for baby
August 2006
I will be returning to work mid-November when my son is 4 months old. I will be home 2 days a week and my husband will be home 1 day a week to take care of him. This leaves us 2 days a week needing child care. My father-in-law has expressed interest in taking care of our son on these 2 days. However, I am unsure of his capabilities and do not feel that he has the know-how. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? Should I require he take a baby care class, cpr/ first aid? Where would I find these classes? or would I be better off with another alternative? Thank you for any advice New Berkeley Mom
In answer to one of your questions, American Red Cross holds classes in Infant CPR, and they also have ''babysitter'' classes. I think it's great that your father-in-law is interested in providing some childcare. Maybe you will get more comfortable with the idea (and he will get some training) if you begin by having him come over and help out while you are still home. If it all works out it will be a great opportunity for your son to bond with his grandfather. Good luck with your return to work grateful for grandparents
When I went back to work my son was three months. My father never cared for my son for a whole day as it was too hard on him physically and he needed to work. We had an arrangement where a nanny would come for four or five hours to relieve him in the middle of the day. My father is really great with my son, but he is around him and me all the time so he knows the routines, moods, methods, etc... I would reccomend having your father in-law spend a lot of time with you watching how you do things and having the opportunity to ask questions. The agency I work for offers CPR/1st aid if you are interested. Sarah
I think that (most of the time) family is always going to have more of a vested interest in your child's happiness and well- being than someone you are paying to do it. That said, I have a wonderful nanny that I use 2x a week, and she is great with my 2 1/2 yr old son. But his grandparents watch him 1x per week as well so I get to see the interactions and bonds in the different relationships. And I have to say that it has been incredible for my son to have that closeness with his grandparents, he adores them and feels so safe and happy in their company, often he wants to be with them rather than me, but he never says that about the nanny he has known for over 2 years. My father-in-law usually watches my son by himself in the morning while my MIL does some work, and I wouldn't have said that he was a real paternal kind of guy before my son was born. But now he takes him to the park, or the Play Cafe, or zoo, and changes his diapers, feeds him, or works in the yard with him or is showing him how to use tools. It is really neat. The thing you need to talk to your husband about is how his Dad was as a father and how do his ideas about raising a child coordinate with yours?
What about discipline, safety, responsibility? Unfortunately, as much as I love my parents, I would not be as happy leaving my son in their care due to their own poor judgment and lack of good boundaries and limit setting. I suffered as a child because of this, and don't want my son to have to deal with it, too. ANd by all means, get your FIL to take the child CPR classes that BANANAS (on Claremont) offers and see what classes that they have, I know that they offer childcare classes for teens who wish to babysit, don't know about grandparents. But the best thing might be for you to spend time with the baby and the FIL so that he can see how you do things and you can check out his style as well. A close relationship with a loving grandfather is an incredible experience for any child lucky enough to have it. lucky to have involved grandfather
From the time my daughter was 7 months until almost 3 years she was babysat 1 day a week by my mom, 1 day by my grandmother and very old great-aunties, and 1 day by my mother-in-law, while I worked. While there were many times that we had disagreements about what to do and how to do it, generally things went well and the relationships my daughter built with her extended family is invaluable. I don't love everything about how the family parents, but they love her instensly and were caring for her becasue they wanted to, not becuase it was a job and they happened to like kids... I have also used wonderful babysitters/nannies (primarily with my second child) but I think the benefit of having family care, and the opportunity to build that kind of relationship is wonderful. Even nannies make mistakes, at least when it is family you know that their motives are from love! Maggie
Your father in law will learn what he needs to know the same way we all do; through experience. I think it's great that you have such support from family. Unless there are some other issue going on like he's developmentally delayed, smokes like a chimney, has a history of abusing kids, stuff like that, you should give it a try. I would love for family to care for my kids - sure beats paying a stranger to do it. good luck
How much should I pay mother-in-law for afterschool childcare?
Oct 2005
I'm wondering about how much we pay(should pay) my mother-in- law for child care. She picks my son up after school and is with him until either my husband or I (usually me) gets home. Approx 3-4 hrs/day M-F. Plus occassional evening babysitting. We pay $350 cash; car gas $90/month(has our gas card); car insurance $85/month. She is 80 and on a fixed income. The last 4 years we have been supplementing her rent/expenses because her live in adult daughter has not paid half the $1600+/mo rent. We have paid close to $2000/yr which has caused some strife in my household. I'm tring to maintain a budget but am up against a spendaholic partner and a large credit card debt (that is a topic for another time) So, does grandma get enough? After school on site dayare is $4.50/hr. anon
If you take the after care hourly rate x 4 hours per day, 5 days per week, x 50 weeks per year, you get $4,500. So if you are paying $2,000 per year (for whatever the reason) and your kids are being looked after by Grandma, I think you are getting a great deal. Might not be worth the stress but 1/2 price is 1/2 price and when you are budgeting, that may make it better!! Good luck. DiAnn
Our neighbor has her mom nanny for her two kids as well. She is on a very fixed income as well, and they pay her $10/hour, and does not pay for gas or car insurance. Your pay/perks sound more than generous. Mary
Just want to flag for you that if this family member is not a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, there are immigration laws prohibiting working for pay while on a tourist visa. Please look into this so your family member's ability to come back to the U.S. is not jeopardized in the future! Wishing you good luck!
Wow, that sounds really difficult. Having family come help should be a huge improvement to your quality of life.
With both of our kids, after my wife and I went back to work my mother-in-law lived with us and spent several months as the primary caregiver. I'm very glad we did. As with many things clear communication and setting expectations were important. Some examples of things that we agreed on in writing before starting were
We had some conflicts, both related to sharing space and to parenting style. But overall it was great -- she and our kids got to bond with each other, and we got high-quality in-home child care. Good luck!
I read your question, and I am a grandparent of a newborn, currently performing 30 hours per week child care (with my husband) for our grandson. We are from the east coast, moved here including all our stuff, to live in an apartment and be near our grandson. We're doing this because my grandparents meant the world to me and I wanted this for my grandson. My husband agreed.
It has worked out well so far. The parents have completely different values than we do, and it's been a huge adjustment for us since we don't like CA particularly and find it outrageously expensive. In addition, we're OLD (my husband is nearly 80, and I have even less energy than he does!) But having a relationship with our grandson makes it all worthwhile.
We don't live in the same house, but I do a lot of meal cooking when my son travels. It is all without pay/reimbursement which is fine with us. But it seems to me an aunt might not have quite the same attachment to the child as a grandparent. I don't know. So I'd be careful about making sure she's not out-of-pocket for anything.
What I will say is that when my son was born, I "gave up" a good job without looking back, our income was cut in half, and we managed to survive. I'd be a lot happier if mothers saw childbirth as a sacred responsibility and stayed home with their babies. When I was young, about half the mothers in my circle did this, and the results for the kids were noticeable. Sorry to hold such an unpopular opinion. Please hold the hate mail! I've heard it all already.
Thank you all so much for the responses! Super helpful tips.